Episode

0:01 The thoughts, views and opinions expressed by this podcast as well as its hosts are for entertainment purposes only. I repeat, it is not serious, 0:09 it is not real. No 1 is exposing, revealing, indicting or telling you anything about themselves. Also, we do not encourage you to try this at home. 0:17 We are trained professionals. Do not have your best interests at heart. Or enjoy the show. Hey, 0:45 we're rolling. Patronis. Patronis. What's poppin'? That was funny. That was funny. Hilarious. I liked your little disclaimer. That 0:55 he's not friends with any of you? Yeah. He's not giving you the stamp of a pupil. I want to make sure we can hear your lovely voice 1:03 and this mic. Can I just push this mic closer to you? A little bit closer. Mic check, mic check. Oh lord. Okay, I'm very handsy. 1:12 Accent and voice. Alright, here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, I brushed 1:20 off my reading skills for this 1 Can 1:37 I introduce our guest before you start shooting at me? That's my man right there. 22 seconds. This is a good friend of mine for over 20 years. He loves me like 1:45 no other. But he will embarrass me in front of beautiful women. Like a big brother, like on some big brother shit. You just doing 1:53 what you're doing. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm scared to hell. Word. Yeah, nah. You I'm afraid of, And you look like 2:01 the dad from the Fresh Prince series. He looks like he's already in. I'm not sure who 2:09 he is, but he looks like he's already figured out how long it would take to kill each and every 1 of us. He mapped that out already. That is his job guys. The Denzel Sopronch. And he looks 2:17 good at it. He looks good at that job. Ladies and gentlemen, we have podcast host slash author 2:28 slash start with yourself slash serial entrepreneur slash woman 2:37 in business that does not play I heard a little bit before we started recording and I am gonna tell you all about it ladies 2:46 and gentlemen make some noise Big round of applause for Emma Greene. Yes, sir. Wow. Thank 2:54 you. Enjoy. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Emma, how are you? I'm so good. I'm so happy to be here with 3:03 all of you. There's a lot of us. People were excited to have you. Is that true? 3:11 More people were calling me to try to come saying, I'm a huge fan of Emma. Oh, wow. Please, can we come? Can I have my girlfriend come? Of course, I shut them down. No, 3:19 you tell them. These are very professional, please. No room for fans. No. Where are you from? Tell me everything about you. Here we go. Let's do it. 3:27 I'm from East London So I am I'm from like the the best part of London I think I'm you know, the eldest of 4 girls raised by 3:35 a single mom in London and I have basically, I feel like I just arrived here. I live in LA now, so I've been in business. 3:44 I've had a job forever and ever. I've been working since I was 12 years old, had a paper art, worked every job in fashion, did all the things and you know, 3:52 wound up in America 9 years ago now. And here I am. Your stature even is like, she's 4:00 got good posture. No, it's this fucked up couch. Because it's this or it's like, you know, it's like 4:08 low and large. It's just like not it. She also smells like elegance. You smelled it, I'm sure. What do you think you smell like? What do you think you smell like? I'm tired. 4:17 What do you think you smell like right now? This is going to be so good. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. So, Emma, you started. You said you grew up in the best part of London, which is cool, East London, 4:25 which is great. But it's also in the book, anyway, like, rough. It's rough. It's the hood. It's the place that teaches you all the good stuff, you know, this is our 4:33 local London expert You I think that you guys would understand it 4:41 It's the it's the place where I think the best people in England come from but more importantly it's what gave me like a basic operating manual for life. It's so much a part 4:49 of who I am and how I conduct myself in business that I don't know that I'd be as successful as I am right now if I didn't come from that place. Well, that's why I was asking, because 4:58 like Joe said, you project this elegance, but there's also before the camera started, there's this whole other side of you that was amazing to see that I did not expect that. Well, I'm not good 5:06 at compartmentalizing. I am who I am at every moment. So if something's going on and something was going on, I'm going to deal with it. Yeah. Yes. 5:14 Why are there so many fucking people in here? Get out, actually. I'm old, so I listen on audio. So I just hadn't appreciated the level of 5:23 man in the room. And also, I literally just came from Goldman Sachs, where I was speaking to 350 women. So the juxtaposition of leaving 5:31 there and then coming here, it's a lot for the system. Yeah. But I'm happy, you know. Shit is on us. Yeah. Yeah. What were you 5:39 doing at 12 years old? And why did you have to get a job at 12? You know, I just was so focused on money. Like I never had anything and 5:47 you know what it's like when you grow up in a place where you see a little bit of something. Someone has a nice car, someone has like a bit of a flex 5:56 and a watch and I just like wanted more than my mum could give me But it was just up to me. So the easiest thing was to deliver newspapers, you know, all I bought 6:04 was magazines I just wanted magazines and because I was obsessed with fashion I would buy them all from the 20 pounds that I made a week doing the paper round 6:13 Just you know, it's needs must it's funny I feel like I often talk about how like some of those jobs we had as kids like shoveling snow 6:21 or Bagging shit up at a supermarket like they failed exist today for the younger people who are of that same mindset She's such a shame You know, I spent 6:29 I don't know years doing free internships And that's what gave me a leg into fashion, because back in those days, you could just go into any office and 6:37 work for free. And now the fact that we can't do that, I actually think it definitely holds people back a little bit because that to me was an access point. They were people 6:45 that I could never get to, companies that were beyond my kind of comprehension. But because you could go in there and offer your services, anyone 6:53 would take you. You learned so much. So I think you're right about that. Those jobs that are missing stop young people from progressing and getting into spaces 7:01 that they otherwise would never find. Your start into fashion was what exactly? My start into fashion 7:10 was Rocky. In my head I wanted to be a fashion designer. The reality is that I ended up finding my way into a fashion show production company, which is probably the most 7:18 miserable job of life. You're building the fashion sets, you're building the shows. You're not invited to the show, you spend 3 months working on something, you watch 7:26 it from backstage and then no 1 says like come to the party because you have to de rig. So it was a really unthankful job. But what you learn 7:34 is the structure of the fashion business, and you meet everybody, like absolutely everybody you meet. The designers, the PRs, the press, the journalists, the 7:42 buyers, like literally everything. So you start to get an understanding. And I worked that job for a long time. I had an uncle that was 7:50 a soccer agent. And I started to do these partnerships. I started to work on putting brands and fashion designers together. And I called 7:59 this uncle of mine and I said, how do you commission when you do a brand and play a deal, like how do you make money? And he said, you take 10%. And my deals 8:07 at the time were so, my deals were so small, I was like, well, I'll take 20. And that was the foundation of my first business. I became like the go-to 8:15 person that if you left a fashion school in Europe and you wanted to do a fashion show, you'd come to me for the brand money. So I just was very good at 8:23 connecting people, very good at understanding and negotiating. And that comes from the streets, that comes from my upbringing. I could always figure out 8:32 a way to make anything work. And so I made a company out of it and that was my first company. I started it when I was 24. I sold it when I was 30. In 8:40 the middle of that, I had another company that was like the early days of Influencer. We didn't even call them influencers then. They were bloggers. So I figured out how 8:48 you could essentially like aggregate ad sales and sell them together on 1 platform so you'd bundle all of these influencers and sell 8:56 the ad space. And you know, to me nothing felt clever or differentiated, it was just like, how am I gonna get my foot in the 9:04 door? Hustling. Hustling. You were hustling? Yeah. How were you able to establish yourself with the brands that you were connecting people to? Reputation. I always 9:13 did a good job. My whole thing was just be excellent. Whatever you're doing, you're gonna be the best 9:21 at that thing in that moment. And so, you know, I started in this company and I made relationships, you know, it's like, and here's the thing, I did everything. 9:30 You know, it's like I swept the floor, I made the phone call, I delivered the job, I wrote the invoice. It was like nothing was 9:38 beneath me, but I spent a long time like on the floor, working for free, doing every job, being rejected, doing things that didn't work. 9:46 But I just have like resilience, do you know what I mean? It's just who I am. So it was very hard to keep me down. So I just kept 9:54 going and going and going until something stuck. Can you briefly just touch on that for a minute? Like in the entertainment space, sometimes people have 10:03 too much pride and ego. Yeah, I've no pride. To wear so many hats or to run to the store or to get the shirt or to just do anything. 10:11 You kind of were like, whatever I do, I'm gonna be the best at that. By any means necessary. You know, I really was raised, my mum used to say this brilliant 10:19 thing to me, she raised me and she said, you know, Emma, you're not better than anyone else, but nor is anyone better than you. And in London, there's such a class system. 10:27 So where I come from, when I speak, there is an idea that like, maybe I'm not that smart, maybe she's not got it together, she didn't 10:35 have a good education, but I didn't believe those stories. And I write about it so much in my book, Start With Yourself, that we're kind of conditioned 10:45 in society to believe certain things about ourselves. If you come from here, you have these opportunities. If you come from over here, then you get that. And I just 10:53 never believed it. Like I never believed the stories. I believed my mom. I thought that I was so like, I could do anything so long as I worked. And so in my 11:01 head, I literally thought like the harder I work, like I'm going to lift myself out of this place. And so I just did it. Like I just kept going and going and going. And 11:09 you know, like for me, there was no such thing as a, you know, I would have stood in the photographer's pit to be at a fashion show so the idea that 11:17 I was backstage doing the dog's work didn't faze me because I was Like I would have done anything to get there and I still think about my life like that a little bit now You know, 11:26 it's like this morning I was on the Today show and good morning America and I'm like I'm so lucky like you have to be blessed to take every 11:34 opportunity So as soon as I get the opportunity like I'm gonna go 110 percent Like I never leave anything on the table, you know, because I just feel 11:42 like it can all be taken away What's your cultural background 11:50 first and then secondly how much does that influence your fashion sense or how you approach fashion today or even when you first started? You know so much. So my mum 11:58 is white and English and my dad is black and from Trinidad. And so, you know, I grew up in, and East London is 12:07 like a melting pot. It's just like the most diverse area you can imagine. And for me, like I grew up with such a 12:15 sense of pride in getting ready. And I think my mum being like this little white lady with these 4 black daughters was very much like, you guys 12:23 are gonna be pristine, like how you're gonna walk and behave and like people are going to make a judgment on you. And I think that was her way 12:31 of protecting us and giving us some sense of armour. So we really took pride in the way we dressed. Like when you're from East London, there's a certain 12:39 freshness about it. Like you would never wear a dirty sneaker. You would never, like you put all your stuff on and you take massive pride in your appearance. 12:48 And so that for me was very important. But there was also a part of me as I got older, like I understood the artistry, like when you're in Europe, the proximity to Paris 12:56 or to Milan and all these beautiful things. It's not that I understood it. I just had an appreciation for it. And I really wanted that stuff. Like I wanted to be part 13:04 of the world. Like I thought of fashion, like how some people think of the movies or like the music industry. It was a means of escape. It was like, wow, look 13:12 at this thing. It's so beautiful and glamorous and I wanna be in that. But I didn't have talent. Like I don't have talent as a designer. Like that's not who I am, but 13:20 I'm really good when it comes to the business piece of it all. Where did you get that from? Being good at business 13:28 as opposed to? I think the streets. Streets, huh? Do you know what I mean? Because early on, I used to sell counterfeit goods. That was 1 of the 13:36 first things I did. So it is, actually. That got something in common. Oh, you did? That's hilarious. What did you sell? Don't listen to the good. What did you sell? I 13:44 didn't sell the goods. He stole the goods. He stole the goods. He stole the real things. I would have to work with someone like you, and then I would take your 13:52 things, and I would sell them. And I would give you a little something. Yeah, that's how it went. A lot of something. Well, you went through your work. I would take the lot. But I 14:01 would argue that my services, you can steal anything, but then you've gotta get rid of your goods or you're just gonna have a bedroom full of stuff, and so I overvalue my 14:09 contributions. We would argue, it's cool. We would argue, and it would be fun. Just try and help you get rid of the inventory, man. Negotiation is fun, yeah. Negotiation is amazing. 14:17 I mean, that's what I did though, because that's what I had access to. That's all I could do at that point. And so you know the people that I was in contact with, they would do what they needed 14:26 to do to get by. And I would sell you know like a Ralph Lauren shirt or a Fendi bag or you know whatever it was. Back then it was all about a logo shirt. 14:34 So I would package them up and I would go into the teacher. I can't actually even believe that this was, it wasn't allowed, but I did it. But I would go at recess to the teachers and I would bundle 14:42 the shirts and sell them to the teachers. Cliche question. As a woman, of course, coming up within the business, beautiful, 14:51 smart, all that, right? How hard was it to get people to take you serious on the business side, to actually just let you do your thing and not kind of step 14:59 on it and either give you the negative side of what the business could look like? You know, I don't want to say hard. It was definitely, here's the thing, it was a challenge 15:08 because for years, you know, when I started my first company, I was young. And I have a baby face anyway. And so, you know, when we used to do like walk into 15:16 a meeting, the whole meeting would be angled at some dude that worked for me. And so, you know, we'd go into these big brands and I'd be like, okay, okay. And 15:24 then they'd be like, so we're willing to give you X. And then I'd do the negotiation or even like just having an office Christmas party. Like the bill would be given to some like white 15:32 guy that works for me. And I'd be like, over here. And by the way, your tip's shit. Like, do you know what I mean? So like that would, it would round me, but I never let 15:40 it get to me. And that's really so much about like who I am because I choose my battles. Like I'm not here to fight every affront that's happening because it's not a good 15:48 use of my energy My energy has to go into like always being in motion and because I was an angry kid I learned that like I 15:56 learned the stuff that didn't serve me So I just thought if I walk around offended all the time that you didn't take me seriously, that's not helping me get somewhere. I 16:05 would take your ignorance and I'll take your money at the same time. Like do you know what I mean? Like so for me I was always like how do I win and that like getting offended 16:13 is just not part of like it's just not in me. It's just not a good thing for me to do. What did you sell your first company for? A 16:21 lot of money. If you don't mind. Well, do you know what the funny thing is, if I, now, I mean, it's always a lot of money. And so for me right then, I was like, I have 16:30 made it. Like I thought I never need to work again. This is the best thing ever. But the rejection that came along with that was something because I didn't 16:38 realize that I wasn't wanted. Like, so they bought the company and didn't take me. And so that was really, really, really difficult 16:46 because I am, you know, you envisage yourself like always being part of what you create or I did that. 16:54 And I didn't realize it was a gift. I really didn't. Did it succeed without you? It did and that was even more painful. Yeah, yeah. Well, contextualize 17:03 that in the time, like, yes, it was a success. Has it succeeded beyond where I have succeeded now? Absolutely not. No, but it was a successful 17:12 company and it was definitely worth what they paid for it. And it was very embarrassing to me to be left out of the transaction. And by the way, that's happened 17:20 to me twice. And so, you know, but what you have to understand is when you sell something, you sell it, right? And I think that a big hang up sometimes 17:28 is people trade and then they don't realize that thing is no longer theirs. They want to hold onto it and call the shots. It's like, once you sell, you sell. You took the money. It's no 17:36 longer yours. Someone else will call the shots. And so I've become peaceful with that because that's just part of life. That's part of 17:44 what happens when you're in a company. And I think that's massively also misunderstood by our community. You see how specifically black founders get 17:52 murdered when they sell their company. They get insulted, like, because people don't understand the very point of being transactional and 18:00 selling your company to a conglomerate or moving away from it. And so part of what I try to do now is, A, be super honest about what that looks 18:08 like for a founder when you take private equity, when you take in investment funds, and what happens when you exit. Because the misunderstandings around 18:17 that lead to consumer confusion and it's unhealthy for founders. The point of a business is to make profit and if you're lucky enough you sell it and that 18:25 is the goal. We shouldn't be punishing people when they do the very thing that we've come to do. Do you ever, because I'm 1 of the people sometimes that criticizes the founders. 18:33 Oh, okay. Sometimes, depending on what the business is. His middle name is Criticize the Founders. Oh, you know. Particularly media companies more so than- Media 18:42 companies. You know, like if someone owns the only black cable network or news network, Sometimes I'm like, there's the transactional part and then there's a sense of 18:50 duty sometimes that the founders have to community. Sometimes which makes them hold onto it too long. Are you ever conflicted with it? Were you ever conflicted about that tension 18:58 between doing good business and also having an extra sense of duty to our communities? So I would say yes and no. And I 19:06 totally hear where you're coming from. I think that at the end of the day, we have to be honest about, because it's easy 19:15 as an outsider, right, to be a pundit and to have a point of view. But oftentimes these founders are in these companies for a period of time. 19:23 They get to affect what's happening in a broader climate in a bigger parent company or whatever that might be. That's 1 piece of it. But also it's like, who 19:31 are we to say what standard they should live up to? It's like, you know, at the end of the day, you can only do so much. We've then got to say, what conditions did they 19:39 create for more people to come up and take advantage of all the work that they've done? So to me, it's like a double-edged sword. There's always an argument 19:47 of every side. Like, I'm a negotiator, I can always see that. But I think very much, and by and large, if you start something, what you do with it, 19:55 and how you exit out of it, the only person you have to be true to is yourself. That's why I wondered, Not so much about the outside noise, because there's always going to be that, you're right. If you ever feel 20:04 conflicted in the transactions, no. No. Again, I'm really, like I'm a realist. I really feel 20:12 that I have a very high moral compass. That comes from East London. So it's like, I was raised to tell the truth, to be 20:21 kind of like, to stick to your word, to be someone that people can rely on. And that is just who I am. And so when you behave like that all the time 20:29 and you have a great reputation, you have to, but you know, you have to be the 1 who can kind of lay your head on the pillow at night and be happy with your decisions. 20:38 There's so much noise. Can you imagine? Like if I listen to what everybody thought and what everybody felt and every kind, I never get anything done. 20:46 So it's like, I have to, you know, it's like I live by my standards and everything else can, you know. Have you, with 20:55 your company that you sold, and then they removed you from it, you find yourself rooting against it? Or do you still, because it's still your baby? No, because it's still my people. 21:03 And to me, at the end of the day, companies are companies. At the end of the day, there's a collection of people. And if you've really started a 21:11 company, they're your collection of people. The people in my company I loved. Genuinely, it's so many people that I loved. I 21:19 remember giving everyone pay rises before I was leaving because I don't know when that's coming for you again you know you look after your people like that's what 21:27 you do but yeah no I don't like I don't root against them because that's the other thing. Like, that shit will come back to you. Like, 21:36 I am very, and everyone's saying, I'm very big on energy, but it's like, I know that to be true. I know that the reason I've done so well is 21:44 because I do well by other people. It's like, it's so cyclical this world. Like even, I keep saying this like in this press tour, 21:52 I have met 3 journalists that used to work for me. Imagine that. Like that, like, you know, it's so crazy. The world is so small 22:01 and it's so cyclical. And so I think it's kind of interesting that, you know, all that we have, you can take everything away from me, every piece of business, 22:09 every dollar, please don't, but like everything can go, but your reputation stays with you. That's all you've got at the end of the day. And so. How are 22:17 you handling that? Well, you just say you're in a press room right now. She rich as fuck. Well, no, I'm saying to go from essentially being 22:25 the business owner and kind of still being behind the scenes to some degree. But now you're out here, you're talking, you're doing press, how you like handling that transition 22:33 to the group? It was very purposeful because I felt like specifically for women, it's very, very different for men, but the idea of what it means 22:42 to be an entrepreneur and to run a business is really glorified. It's like shown on social media in such a 22:50 way which is to kind of extrapolate all of the hard work and everything it takes to get there and I felt like I was becoming a bit of a poster child for that. 22:58 People are like, oh my god what's your routine like your hair so nice and your kids look so cute. And I was like, are you crazy? I'm having a fucking terrible day. No 23:06 1 ever comes to me with like, Emma, everything's great, it's selling like crazy. It's like, here's a problem and another problem and a problem and a problem. And also, because I only came to America, 23:15 like a few years ago, there was almost like this discount to my journey. I was like, do you know I've had a job since I was 12? Like, are you aware of the things that 23:23 it's taken and the sacrifices I've made and the trade-offs and the things that I don't do? Like the shit that I don't do. And so I wanted to be, 23:31 to have more of an honest conversation. And honestly, that was why I wrote this book. I was like, I'm doing a disservice to every woman out there, 23:39 if I'm not honest about the fact that when you see a picture of me on Instagram with my feet on my desk, I am on the phone. Like there's a lovely social media girl 23:47 that comes with a light and takes a good picture and I'll move my leg and situate myself, but it's like, I'm on the phone. You're handling business. I thought you were taking those pics. Oh, you did? 23:55 As you've seen, I rolled in. No, I saw how you rolled in there. You 24:03 came in. Deep, yeah. Well, because I'm working. I'm working, like that's the thing. Like, you know, they're sending emails, they're like getting shit done. It's like, 24:11 it doesn't mean, because I'm on a book tour, that the world stops. You know. They ain't looked up from their phones. They work this. You see them, they're like. Hey, big em, you got them in 24:20 check. I like that. Hey, them motherfuckers. Good job, bro. They ain't set up. I'm telling you. She pulled the other voice out. 24:28 As a, as a. I'm telling you. I was saying. You drop it all, drop a few. I was like. That's cool. What was you like? I was sitting 24:36 there, she was sitting there, she was talking about her dolls. You know, I'm firm but fair. I have very high standards, but I hold myself to those same 24:44 standards. So I feel like everyone who works with me is excellent. Now you look at Derek, Derek is excellent at his job. That's unbelievable. What's your style of firing people? 24:52 What's my style? What's your style of letting someone go? Oh, quick. Because here's the thing, when you sit on 25:00 letting somebody go, You're doing yourself a disservice, you're doing your company a disservice, and them, believe it or not. Because you are stopping somebody 25:09 else from sitting in that seat who could do an amazing job, right? It frustrates the light. No 1 in the world likes to work with someone who isn't pulling 25:17 their weight. So you're damaging your staff and the other person deserves it. They deserve to know like, this might not be for you. You need to work on X, Y 25:25 and Z. You're shit. They need that. They need that. So I don't sugar coat things. I'm very, very direct, but I'm very honest 25:33 and I'm very open. So very rarely is it a surprise. No one's like, oh my God, I thought I was doing super well. It's like, no, you didn't. You knew it. Cause I told you. People be surprised 25:41 when I do. They do. You're doing something wrong. It's me. It's a lack in leadership. Oh, well, we can sort that out. There's a whole section on leadership in 25:49 the book. Thank the Lord. Start with yourself Emma Green. Stop playing. Speaking of the book, you, I mean, wait hold up. Emma, 25:57 as, because I don't want us to veer too far off, as a negotiator what is, what are some of the things that would make you? Run away from a deal and Run 26:05 toward 1 you know people get negotiation or wrong because they think the purpose of negotiation is to murder the other side It's the opposite 26:14 the purpose of negotiation is to find like mutually advantageous ground on both parties. So you need to leave the negotiation feeling great like you won, and I need 26:22 to leave feeling great like I won, and then we're both happy, and guess what? Like the thing, whatever we did, is going to work beautifully. The respect is still there. It's still there, So you've 26:30 got to keep it intact. So I actually think about never asking for something that I don't really need. And I learned that from Melody Hobson because 26:38 she talks about that. So you'll never hear me going like, I think it should be X. It's like, no, no, no, I'm going to tell the truth. I'm going to say, this is what I need 26:46 to get it done and here are the reasons why. Because if you extend yourself too much, you lose all credibility in a deal. So for me, it's about being really honest, 26:55 like what do I actually need? What are the important factors? What are the must haves? And then everything else you give her. Have you found that when you start that way, right? Like 27:03 in some of my negotiations, I'd be like, I don't have time for the back and forth. Let me just be honest and do what you just said. Do you find that, 27:11 well, I find that when you do that, the person you're talking to still thinks the art of negotiating is happening. Yeah, bad partner. Like that's a signal. And 27:20 here's the thing, people usually signal so much. They tell you who they are. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know that saying, when people tell you who they 27:28 are, believe them. Believe them. So If someone gives you that signal, if you are coming into the negotiation with fairness, with credibility, asking for something that direction 27:36 is kind of right, and they still want to take advantage, it's like, how do you think they're going to be in the actual relationship? Exactly. They're going to try it every day. So I'm just like, not for me, not my 27:45 person. It might be a little toxic, but I'll try. Way too early for toxic. No, no, I'll try, I'll try. Go on. Is there a business that you've seen fail, that you said, 27:54 you know what, I could've took that business and turned that whole shit around. All the time. Probably all the time. A lot of times. All the time that happens. But if there's 1 that just stands out 28:02 of recent. Oh, 0 God, is there 1? That's a really good question. We can 28:10 blank it out if you don't want to be public with it. Got people texting somebody right now. Oh no, no, no, no, she's about to say some shit! Don't say it! If you can't say it, it's fine. No, it's not 1 28:18 that comes to mind, but I bet while we think while we're here, I will think of 1. Yeah, because there's always, listen, there's a lot of, I think 28:26 that, you know, what makes a business good is not always the thing that you think. And sometimes, you know, it's not my saying, but I used to 28:34 have this woman who worked for me, she used to say, an A idea would be execution is still a C result. So you can have an amazing idea. You put the wrong 28:42 people around it, the wrong strategy around it, it's still going to get you nowhere. So sometimes like the idea can be amazing and because you were too cheap you didn't get the right people in, you didn't 28:50 execute it well, you didn't give away enough equity to have the right person come in in the right situation, the whole thing's flopped. So I see that a lot, you know, people with golden ideas 28:58 and it's like they think they can do it themselves. I'm like why? What gives you that idea? To date, how many companies have you owned? A lot. Because 29:07 so I have the businesses that I'm involved in operationally every day. And then I have a family office where we invest in a lot of different businesses. So 29:15 I have like ownership stakes in lots of things. But maybe not be active. But like not active. So really the ones that I'm active in are like 29:23 5 or 6 businesses. Like day to day operationally active and really 2 main things. And in those, is your goal 29:32 to build market share and sell? Is that always your goal? Not always, and it's also not always my choice, right? So I have partners and sometimes 29:40 you will have partners that have a different idea to you, but essentially like building capital value So that you can have an exit down the line. Absolutely. It's 29:48 like I'm not trying to, you know, the only business that I feel like is not something that I'm like, let me scale this and potentially find an exit 29:56 1 day is my media business, right? The business of Emma Greed and Aspire. Because really I look at that as like this is something that I 30:04 love doing and it's in its infancy and I don't even really think about it. It's an extension of me as a person as opposed to like here's my big plan 30:12 for media domination. I think that because of the things that I've done people imagine like I'm trying to build like something else. It's like no, that's not I'm 30:20 that's not how I thought about it 1 of the things Not read all your book whether it's some of it. Thank you for being honest about that. Yeah, I just I 30:28 just Are you narrating it? He reads fast. I did narrate it because you can't answer. I bought the audio book but I didn't. Oh thank you. 30:38 No, I'm not laughing at that. I do the audio book too. I know you know. You're not reading, reading? I'm reading it, reading it. Oh. Yeah. 30:47 Okay, it's okay. I have a bookstore so I don't ever knock my books. I'm listening to the podcast. I think that most people, that's 30:55 what happens nowadays, right? We're in a podcast landscape so you're going to have a lot of audio listeners. Plus with this voice, I mean, you know what I do. So I got a 31:03 beef. Oh, go ahead. My question though was in the book I was expecting 1 of those I worked really hard and 31:11 so can you like memoir stories but you actually are also talking about sort of how to how to change mindset to be successful in business. What 31:20 is the old mindset? So my viewpoint is that for women we're culturally conditioned to 31:28 avoid the exact behaviors that lead to success and to opportunities to having a lot of money and to leadership. And 31:36 it's again, it's very, very different from men, right? Men kind of, if you think about the prevailing wisdom for men, men can do anything. 31:45 They can make any mistakes, they can raise money, they can lose a lot of money, they dust themselves off, they go and do something else the next day. There is no like, you 31:53 know, conference that a man feels like he has to turn up to, look great, worries who he sits next to and feels like, you know, he needs to be like 32:01 a man supporting men. Like what, what are you talking about? Like, do you know what I mean? So there's all this like built in bullshit for women in business that just isn't 32:09 true. Then you've got these kind of like uniquely female traits that are around things like perfectionism, that it's really difficult 32:17 for a lot of women to get started before they feel like everything's lined up. Well, that flies in the face of what actually works in business, because business is about you 32:25 failing on the way up. It's about you testing and learning and doing things before you're ready. And so what I tried to do in the book was put out 32:33 all of this prevailing wisdom and say, these are the way that we have been conditioned to think for many, many different reasons. But actually there's a new way of thinking. And if 32:41 you could replace the old thoughts with new thoughts, you will get further quicker. And it's not about mindset manifestation because I really 32:50 don't believe in that alone. So ambition has to find you working, right? It's like facts. If you're not in the mix, it's just 32:58 completely, it's completely true. So I don't want women to sit around and do a vision board. I want you to make a plan for your life I want you to have a vision 33:06 for what type of person you want to be for what type of you know life you want to Lead and then I want to give you the steps to turn that vision into a reality and 33:14 it's not about mindset alone. It's just that's a piece of it that you won't get far unless you've addressed that. A lot of women say yeah I have 33:22 that but the world tells me I have to choose. I can have this great professional life. I can be you professionally or I can be you with the family or I can be you with personal 33:30 happiness but I can't have all of them. Yeah, I say, well, I say, listen, Oprah says it best. She says, you know, you can have everything, but not all at 33:39 the same time. And I think a lot of the conversations that we've had recently in the culture have told women and sold women 33:47 the wrong stories and a lot of lies. Like this idea that there's going to be some magical unicorn of a man who comes and makes everything better. 33:56 I don't know. I don't know. Like I really don't know. No one's ever made me happier than I've made myself. So I'm not waiting for some guy to like 34:04 make me happy. I'm also not waiting for some like magical time to have a baby because what happens a lot for a lot of women is they miss their window. There is 34:12 like a reality that your fertility is intact for a certain time in your life. And so if you prioritize your career and if you want 34:20 to have a baby, but you decide that actually that's not the thing that I'm going to do, you lose your moment. So what I'm trying to explain is it's not like either or, 34:28 it's both and. And if we're in this continuous pursuit of perfection, you'll actually never get to a place where you'll be really happy. So I don't buy 34:36 it. Like I don't think you can have just 1 or the other. And I think that I'm pretty much proof of that. You just can't have the expectation that everything's gonna be 34:44 perfect. You'll be the perfect business woman, the perfect wife and the perfect mom. Like I'm not. I think that, I agree with everything you said. 34:53 And I think you are the epitome of that. But do you think if you hadn't been so successful at such a young, young, young age, 35:01 because again, selling your first company for $26 million is people that have been in business for 50 years and their company might be worth $10 35:09 million and they still are relatively successful. Do you think your mind would be where it is today had you not been so successful early on? I think that's a great question, but I think that that is a 35:17 question of where you are in your career, right? I think there are times and seasons in your life and when you're in your 20s, that is the time to 35:25 put everything in When you don't have kids, you don't have a mortgage, you don't have responsibilities But for me, because we're so intent 35:34 on searching for this like perfect balance, we forget that actually that's the wrong goal. The wrong goal is not to look for everything to line up perfectly. 35:42 And to answer your question, I think it's about Establishing yourself early in your life so that you do have a little bit of choice like when you're lady. 35:50 Yes for me I have this magical set of circumstances But by the time I got to 29 or 30, I would have been thinking about having a baby anyway 35:59 I would have been thinking about that because that's the time in your life that you have to do it. And so I think it's the wrong goal. We all know that not everybody 36:07 has the ideal set of circumstances. That's why my book's called Start With Yourself, because you have to design what's going to be right for you. And because we're all 36:15 looking outside ourselves all the time. Thank you darling. Because we're all looking outside of ourselves for so much validation and to check on what 36:23 other people are doing we forget that I don't need all of that. I know what I need. These are my values. These are my principles. This is the stuff that's important for me. 36:32 Like have a vision for what you wanna be. Like I think it's much better to be like the most interesting woman in the room 36:40 as opposed to, you know, someone that's like the most popular, right? It's like to me, it's like check your priorities. Because when you can 36:48 line up your priorities and your values with the things that you want to do in life, like actually, you start to check yourself and it all becomes so much easier. 36:57 What do you do like outside of like, talking about a business? Excuse me, I have to rush when to say good bye. What do I do? It's a pleasure. Bye my darling. Thank you. 37:06 Thank you so much. What do you do to enjoy yourself away from all of this? Your day is filled with nothing but business and anytime someone 37:14 talks to you, they probably want to pick your brain about business. What do you do to shut your brain off from all of this? You know I'm very good at shutting off. I have an amazing husband 37:23 and so I'm a foodie. I will just start, I'm very good at going down and just doing like nothing. I'm a simple girl. It's like I like to 37:31 go out to dinner. I like to have a glass of wine. I like to be with my husband I'm really like I'm like a person that 37:39 is obsessed with memories. I'm a very very good cook So it's like I will like go crazy like Thanksgiving Christmas celebrations. I like to host and 37:48 do that stuff. So I'm a person that's very, like I'm intentional in everything I do, but if I'm going to like relax, then it's like, I'm going to make it cozy, I'm 37:56 going to make something beautiful to eat, I'm going to light a candle, like I'm going to go in. You know, It's just the way I do things. When you're cooking Thanksgiving dinner for all these people, do you hire people or do 38:04 you do it all yourself? Well, I have someone who works, like I have a chef full time, but if I do Thanksgiving, I do Thanksgiving, and my chef will sous chef. 38:12 I don't even let her cut a carrot. She peels a carrot. Who wants to peel? No 1 wants to peel. No 1 wants to peel. So I'm outsourcing 38:20 the peeling, but I am like, I mean, I go frown down in the kitchen. That's my thing. On a daily basis, I'm not cooking. Where's your husband from? If 38:28 you don't mind me asking. Sweden. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, but he was in London for 17 years. He was born in Sweden. To me, you know what you sound like to me? Like the, we 38:37 call it like the guy girl. Like you got a whole bunch of male friends and you just the sweatpants chick that could just hang out with the guys and just kick it. Oh no, that's not 38:45 me. No? No. Really? No. I didn't get it at all. No, no, no. I didn't get it at all. No, I'm a girl's girl. No, well, you know, I can go both ways. If you looked at my group of 38:53 friends, like I am a girl's girl. I don't look good in sweatpants, baby. It's not my body type. I don't. I'm not a throw it 39:01 down sweatpants girl. I'm like a pull it together leg in. You know what I mean? But I am, no, I'm like a real 39:09 girls girl. I like women and I like men in compartments when I'm interested. Yeah. 39:20 I feel like. That sounded like, I like men in compartments. In compartments, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't wanna hang, like do you know what I mean? It's 39:28 like, I don't wanna like chill, I'm like watch like the football with you lot. She put the word serial in front of entrepreneur. That means she don't 39:36 have time. Ain't no time to go bowling. We're not kicking. She don't have, but I wanted to ask like your husband and I guess anybody that's in your life. I'll 39:47 be candid. When I listened to you say all that, it sounds similar to things that I have told a 39:55 woman when you're married to work first, but it don't come out smooth. You know what the British accent. It doesn't come out smooth. 40:03 Yo, I'm married to work. Like for me to function and be happy and be me and who I am work It's come has to be 1 and 40:11 everything else could be 1 a 1b and I'm saying that never flies Worded that shit Was smooth, but How long have you guys been together? But how she worded that shit was smooth. But 40:19 how long have you guys been together? Oh, 17 years. Yeah, so he was a part of the journey. Yeah, and he's really successful. There you go. 40:27 Like really successful. He's busy as well. Yeah, he's booked in pieces. And that's the thing, I think it's just that, like, you know, maybe it's in the wrong. 40:36 You know, like, I'm just saying, like, maybe, because you need somebody who's gonna meet you. You know, it's like, you need like an equally balling person 40:45 Because the problem is that when you are waiting for, like someone's waiting for you, that's gonna, no, that's never gonna happen. When you both are so successful, do y'all have 40:53 to do like the cheesy thing I see on TV where every Wednesday at 07:00, we'll go to the beach. We're gonna take this time no matter what's going on and put 41:01 our phone down and connect. Absolutely, first of all, if I literally said to my husband, put your phone down, I'm ready to connect, he would look at me and be 41:09 like, are you fucking insane? Great. No, like literally no, because the thing is, and you know this, when you do something you love, it is 41:17 all encompassing. It takes over every part of your life. And actually, I couldn't have and be with someone who didn't get it, you know, because the 41:25 ambition, it spills over into your life. And so you have to have somebody that appreciates it for you, that is cheering for you, that celebrates your success with you. But 41:34 it definitely, we're also not those couples that like sit down and plan goals together. My husband would be like, are you insane? Like, fucking goal setting 41:42 with you? Like, you know what I mean? Like, It's just like the reality is that he has a life and I have a life and then we have a life with 4 41:50 kids together. And I support him and I am the number 1 cheerleader of what he does. But I'm not like necessarily like 41:59 in all of that. Like that's his to live and I think that it's really healthy that he has stuff that he does without me Yeah, I don't want every 42:07 single piece of him I want like the bits that are lovely and work for me and I think that that's important in a relationship Like 42:15 again, I'm not really checking or looking for somebody to make me happy or like complete me, 42:23 you know, I'll do that myself. And the relationship was just like this additional incredible thing I happen to have. Easy London women. Easy 42:32 London women are tough. So that's what I wanted to ask. All, well, not all of us, but most of us up here have 42:41 came from the hood, right? Really? No, no, I was gonna say. We came from the hood and then you start to see whatever level of success you see 42:49 You kind of doesn't translate back to the hood in a way or you have to start to disconnect yourself So you come from hood to East London and receiving 42:57 all the success you receive How did that transfer now being able to stay in touch with either some of the people back from over there or even some family members that might not 43:05 understand the transition from going from being that hood person down being mega rich. That's a great and honest question because it is really difficult. 43:14 It's a really fine balance and it's 1 that if I'm really honest, I'm still trying to perfect. Because when you come from a place 43:22 like, there's a certain amount of distance that is healthy and necessary in order for you to do what you need to do, right? Like Literally 43:30 for me, it was like, I can't be around that because that's gonna get me in trouble. That's it, you know? So, and it does, it starts 43:38 like the value equation shifts so much. By the same token, again, I kind of wouldn't be where I was. I needed my connect to 43:46 get my stolen shirts so that I could get myself in the position that I could get on the train every day to go to college, to have the money to do the things that I needed to do. So you don't 43:54 forget certain relationships. And you have, well, my husband and I refer to as family 44:02 tax, right? It's just part of being like, there's a bunch of people that I look after. That's just a fact. I have boundaries and I have limits to that. And 44:10 I set my limits and I ain't going a penny over it. It's like, here's what I'm prepared to do. And here are the people I'm prepared to do it for 44:19 and the rest of everybody knows not to check for me like they know not to check for me so I think that the relationships that are important to you you remain intact 44:27 but I've definitely had to create healthy distance and it's difficult you know Derek came back with me the other day, we went back to East London 44:35 to film some stuff. And I posted something on my social. And 1 of my boys texted me and he said, why don't you come check 44:43 for me? And I was like, oh my God, you still fucking live there. I hadn't been there for, I don't know, 20 years. 44:53 Do you know what I mean? And so I was so, I was so mad at myself that I didn't go check for him, so I would have been good for the content as well. But 45:02 I was devastated because I was like, what the... Do you know what I mean? You assume everyone is moving. You forget. And that is a reality. And 45:10 so I don't want to sit here and be like, yeah, I'm like friends with everyone. It's all good. It's like some of it works out and some of it doesn't and it's part of 45:18 the trade-off because to do To do things and to make moves that there's a necessary part of separation and it's very 45:26 very difficult You seem so comfortable with just anything that needs to 45:36 be done for me to get where I'm trying to go. That's just a logic. Yeah, it sounds like a logic. Well, I'm intentional. You know what it is? It's not that I, 45:44 it's nothing that I do is without thought. It's like I thought about it and I made a decision. Even if it was a really hard decision, I 45:52 made that decision and then I have to live with it. So it's not like I'm like, oh my God, like this thing happened and I can't believe it. It's like, no, no, no, she sat down, she made a decision. 46:00 I can live with my decisions. Those boundaries you spoke on that you set with everyone in the limits, how hard was 46:09 it to do? Impossible. Impossible. Because people don't, they see the headlines. They're like, what do you mean? True. You got like, you know, it's 46:17 like, of course. You could give me 1000000 dollars. Yeah, but no 1 calls you up and asks you for 500 bucks anymore, do you know what I mean? They ask you for a 46:25 lump and you're like, what the, what is happening? You know, because I still have a very healthy relationship with money, I know the price of everything. It's actually what makes 46:33 me really good at my job. I'm very, you know, it's like at the end of the day, I'm a merchant. If I'm going to sell you a pair of jeans for 150 bucks, 46:41 they're going to be worth every 1 of those 150 bucks because I have to keep that relationship to money intact. I'm not wasteful, I hate 46:49 waste. I'm a person that would try and finish the bottle of champagne before they leave the place. You know what I mean? Because I'm equating how much money's left in the thing. 46:57 That's not gonna come out, I mean, you know? Those 7 ounces. Long jacket, Long jacket. No, I will take it. I'm that. Like, you know, if it's a glass bottle of water 47:05 and Derek's like, just put the bottle like, you don't need that. I'm like, okay. But yeah, I've said I've, 47:14 I've got more comfortable with it. I got more comfortable with just saying there are hard limits to this stuff, because I work hard, you know, nothing has ever been 47:22 given to me. And so even when I have to give things away, I'm mindful about what that means, and I think you have to be. I'm sorry, speaking of East 47:30 London, or any, I don't want to call it the ghetto, but any community or environment like that, it's all over the world, wherever 47:38 you go. Are you intentional in your business practices, based on the adversity that you face, are you intentional in your business practices 47:46 of seeking out or giving favor to those that come from where we come from? 100% and for me it's been not 47:55 just about what can you do here and there and when the feeling strikes you it's 48:03 an intentional part of every business I've ever built. I'm extremely philanthropic. And for me, when you have a lot of money, it's easy 48:11 to give money. But actually what is useful, what is impactful is my time, is my connections, the stuff that I can make happen. 48:19 And so, you know, I sit on a number of philanthropic boards and that is how I am using, like, I guess, that my 48:27 power and my influence to make sure that, you know, whether it be the 15% pledge or the Obama Foundation or baby 48:36 to baby, I am very careful about what I put my name to and where I sign my energy up. But more than that, it's about 48:44 thinking about how you can create the conditions. I always think about how can I make 1000000 little lemmas? Like how could I create 48:52 the opportunity for 1000000 people that come from a background like me, high school, lever, No business 49:01 education, no understanding of how to raise money, and yet successful anyway. So how do you create those conditions for 49:09 there to be like 1000000 little versions of it? Environmental changes or community changes. And that's the stuff that is really complex and really difficult, but that's 49:17 worth my time. And that's where I think about my energy and even my own podcast now, it's like I am every week making sure when I 49:25 have a founder or an entrepreneur come on, I never let them say, so you know, I made a drink and then I went out and I raised $10 million. I'm like, whoa, whoa, 49:34 whoa. A, first, how? And let's break it down because again, the lack of education and understanding is what 49:42 prevents people. Right? It's like talent is fairly evenly distributed. Opportunity isn't. So when you can be someone else's opportunity, when you can say, you 49:50 know what, because I've taught you this thing, because I've given you access, because I've shown you the way, that stuff is a game changer. You can fish now. Yeah, and that 49:58 I really want to actually think about. I mean, I do a lot of in my life anyway, but that's really where I think the future of 50:06 my career is going. I don't need to start yet another consumer brand. What I need to do is think about how I take what I've built on the platform that I've 50:14 got and actually create like real seismic change. And disperse the information. I think I can do that. Disperse the information or create those changes. You are the co-founder 50:23 of Skims. I'm the founder, we like to say founding partner of Skims. It's semantics, but yes. I only 50:32 correct you for the record. No, no. Can you tell me about the early stages of that and why the men's underwear look the way they do? 50:40 What do you mean look the way they do? Have you tried them? His body changed, so. Little dysmorphia. 0000. 50:49 See, it might fit a little bit in there. You gonna laugh? Oh, baby. No, listen, in the mall, 50:57 in the mall over here, We don't have Emma for very long. In the mall over here, they put in the skim store. Okay. And 51:05 I walked in there and they was playing all the rave. Watch it. Oh, 0. So I went in and I was like, I wanna choose some music. Where are the dude drawers? And I tried 51:13 them on and I was like, oh, these aren't made for like. Wait, you got ass naked in the store? No. You have a dressing room in the store, Imani. But you came back 51:22 and raved about the skim store. No. Yes, you did. No. The boo boo joints was huge. Tell me about the early stages. First of all, I'd like to challenge 51:30 you on that 1, because I think you were trying the wrong size I think you were in the wrong fabrication I think you are having a bad day okay I'm 51:38 open I mean I'm definitely gonna challenge you because I think if you look at you know we have the best men's underwear 51:47 that's in the market, Barna, facts. This is normally when I would beg for a care package. No, I'm gonna try to answer that. You can't do that. I wanna act classy. Yeah. 51:55 I'm acting classy. You keep it high, you gotta keep it high. So here's the thing, I am, You know, so my role at Skims is as Chief 52:03 Product Officer. So I look after everything product related. So this is like a personal affront to me. What was the question? I 52:11 forgot the question that you even asked. Tell me about the early stages of starting Skims. Well, you know, I've spent my entire life 52:20 working at the Intercentury in brands and entertainment. So I had a reputation for doing celebrity partnerships in this agency that I built 52:28 and then sold. And I started a company called Good American with Chloe Kardashian. And that company, just 52:37 a little jingles. Just a little something. And, you know, it was it was a it is an incredible company, a really incredible 52:46 company. And so when Kim had the idea to start Skims, and it really was her idea, this was her vision, that's what she wanted 52:54 to do, I jumped on. I was like, this is amazing. This is like an incredible opportunity. And we've built that business. 53:02 And honestly, it's 1 of the things that I am most proud about But it feels like 1 of those things like I can't like skims is a giant 53:10 company and it's hard for any 1 person To take credit for that I think that I was offered a seat on a rocket ship and I didn't sit around and 53:18 go like, what should I be? It's like, I love that company. I love my role within that company. I've loved building it from nothing to what it 53:26 is today. And it feels like a crazy privilege. Like It really does. It feels like a crazy privilege to be a part of something that can create that 53:34 much opportunity for that many people and make that good underwear. Were you involved in... Men's and women's. Were you involved 53:42 in a partnership between Skims and the NBA? I'm involved in all things, yes. I 54:01 know that you have to go. Can you tell me about when your fight, tell me about when self-doubt was occurring? 54:10 You know, I don't know. People always talk about imposter syndrome. I don't really have imposter syndrome because I know better. 54:19 I know that most people are making it up. Like, they're not, there's no 1 who's like, how can you be qualified for a company like that? Like, it's never been done before. 54:27 How can you create, like, how can anybody be better at running Good American than me. It's like that company was a first. Nobody ever made that many sizes 54:35 in that company. Nobody put their product on models of different sizes. Nobody had ever done what we'd done. And so when we hit like roadblocks, when 54:44 certain things happened in the company, when we were out of stock, I never sat around going, oh my God, I've done something terrible here. Like if somebody else could run this better, 54:52 I was like, I'll figure it out. That's not to say that I know everything and I'm so great. It's like my attitude is just always 1 of going, 55:00 if not me, then who? Like, why does it have to be that it can always be better somewhere else? So you know with me when when I feel 55:09 a pang of like fear I've learned to treat it as like a signal. Like to me I'm like there's something on 55:17 the other side of this feeling that is going to propel me forward. There's something here that is going to make me better. I love that. So I just kind of like 55:25 go into it. It's like I go anyway. That's fire. My final question, How do you love being a podcaster? How do you love it? Do you know what? I 55:34 love it so much. I never thought in 1000000 years, you know, I'm chatty and I like people and I can usually get like, you know, good information 55:42 out of people, but it feels like it's just a joy. You know, I do it right in my office. It's in the office. So my studio's there. And I just have, I just call up 55:50 people that I, you know, care a lot about, you know, and I'm like, tell me how you did this thing. And it doesn't matter if it's Melody Hobson 55:58 or, you know, first Lady Michelle Obama or Cardi B or Kamora or a founder you've never heard of. She named drop. Whoever. 56:07 She went crazy like that. Princess Diane. I can't say it was whoever. Not Cuban or you know. Listen, 56:15 I am whatever y'all need me to do Emma's podcast, I'm there. Are you in the gym? You better come wear the drawers, nigga. You better wear the undies 56:23 when you go too. And I'll come wear the skims drawers. You better. Ruben, listen, I can't believe you said that. By the way, he's wrong. My underwear is, it's 56:31 beautiful. I was wrong. You are, no, I'm telling you. I'm definitely wrong. He doesn't know shit, Emma, don't listen to him. I am gonna send you a gift. No, no, everybody else gets a package. Thank you, yeah. 56:40 Wow. You get drawers, you get drawers, you get drawers. You get drawers. Listen, thank you. I will remember on your road trip. Emma, you are super inspiring. 56:48 Indeed. I'm so glad you found the time to come here and kick it with us. Anytime you want me or anybody in your podcast, please, a phone call away. 56:57 My last question, like with you being so obsessed with work or just a serial entrepreneur, what's the end look like? When do you stop? 57:06 You know, I do- Never. No, never. No, the truth is, you know, I am, I'm such a 57:14 focused person. You know, when you leave all familiarity, and for me, like coming here was, I had a newborn and a 2 and a half Year 57:22 old like you better do something Right, you better better do something and I think that you know I feel so lucky every 57:31 day that I get to be here in America. And of course, we know this country is not without its problems, but it's still an amazing place. 57:39 It's still an incredible place for business. And if you're willing, you can make crazy stuff happen here, like absolutely insane. 57:47 And so I look at my opportunities now and how much I could affect and I'm like, I ain't stopping. Why would you? Why would I? Living 57:55 the dream? Right now. Ladies and gentlemen, it is an honor. Indeed. Congrats on everything. Make some noise. Word. Author, 58:03 podcaster, entrepreneur, big businesswoman, stop fucking playing word, Tell them Emma said it. Whatever she wanted to be. Whatever she wanted to be. Thanks for doing that. Make some noise for Emma 58:12 Greaves. What's the book called again? The book, the book. The book, the book. Start with yourself. Where can we find the book? Where can we find the book? A new vision 58:20 for work everywhere. Everywhere. Go and get it, Emma. Thank you so much. Thank you, my darling. And again, you're welcome at any time. I'm very grateful to 58:28 you guys. That was not nearly as like... Did you think it was gonna be tough? I just came into your other thing and you changed so much shit. You were like, oh my god. 58:37 It's not working. You're coming in here. No. Clean up a little bit. No, we tried to be mature. No, no, no. You all just like. Emma, we had a press 58:46 conference before you got here and said, let's all get... We did not. That's for 48 hours straight. We're only hooligans to each other. Not to your guys. Oh, 58:54 thank you. You were gentlemen, clearly. Where can people find your pocket? Where can people find you if they're looking for you? You can find me 59:02 at Emma Greed, it's G-R-E-D-E and my podcast is Aspire with Emma Greed. Aspire with Emma Greed. 59:10 Look at the squad. Look at the squad. How handsome are they? Look at them! We're done! We're done! We're not over there! The boss is chilling. Ladies and 59:18 gentlemen, Emma Green. They're not so bad. You look so serious. Look at them. We're not the 59:26 worst. Oh, suck it. Let me make sure my phone is... Yeah, let me make sure my lips is right. Ish lips is naturally, you know 59:35 what I mean? That's that newborn. Stop looking at my lips. Nah, nigga. You got beautiful lips, bro. That's that newborn picture. They don't tell no other man they're lips are right. Why? 59:43 Your lips look good. We comfortable in our skin. Your lips look right, nigga. Nice eyes and nice lips. Your lips look like pink Starburst. Nigga, You good. Yeah, nigga. Lucky I 59:51 ain't on some DTF shit, nigga. Yo, show my man Dacey. Tiger, tiger, yo. The tiger, tiger. You see what happens? I'm tiger, tiger. You see what tiger, tiger, tiger, tiger, 59:59 tiger, tiger punch you, all right? We got Dr. Sara. Let's chill out, yo. Come on. Yo, yo, let's keep the maturity going. Yo, before we start with Dr. Sara here, I just want to commend 1:00:07 us. Yo, we are, we're professionals. We were so professional. A-game. While that beautiful billionaire lady was talking. Oh 1:00:16 my God. That was a lot. Now listen. We gotta do it again. Wait, yeah, we're. So tough to be mature for this long. 1:00:24 You don't have to be mature, be yourself. You serious? Be yourself. Yeah, she good. But that's how you get them. Yeah, be yourself. That's that doctor talk, nah, we don't wanna be mature. Don't try to warm 1:00:32 us up. We good. We good. You know my doctorate is honorary, right? What kind of, what's your doctorate is? Want somebody put it on Instagram? That's it for me. Yeah, I mean, I've 1:00:40 worked hard. I learned it outside of the classroom. However, it's honorary. You ain't got to doctor me. What's your doctorate? It's in business strategy and Christian leadership. 1:00:48 Oh Christian Christian leadership. Hey, man, I never heard that. So what can we call you? You can call me Dr. Sarah if you want it. I'm just letting you know. Just giving 1:00:57 you your doc. I got 3 degrees and an honorary doctorate. So we can just call you Sarah? Yeah, you can call me whatever you want. Nah, that's Doc. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm keeping the doctor there. 1:01:05 I'm going to kick his ass. Yeah, whatever you want. Hey, hey, hey. I'm keeping the doctor. I'm keeping the doctor there. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, make 1:01:13 some noise. Dr. Sarah, the building. Oh, my god. I am 1:01:21 so honored. I'm honored. I'm excited. Really? Yeah, a little nervous. Y'all be spicy. You be spicy. You 1:01:29 what? I don't think I'm spicy. I'm just direct. Ah, that's how we're calling it today. Yeah, that's our new line. Just direct. 1:01:37 We just gonna be direct today. And I want y'all to be direct too. You don't gotta put on your good suit. It's my Sunday. All right, I'm gonna let 1:01:45 my hair down. Do it. We've been trying for quite some time to have you on. Yes. I've been a huge fan from far. 1:01:54 Thank you. And part of that is because you're so amazing. And the other part is you give me a little, you 1:02:03 give me a little bit of the Godfather, too. You give me a little bit of the Godfather, too. You give me a little bit of my man Kev. We here love Kev. Rest in peace to 1:02:11 Kevin Hamuels. So anytime I could get a little bit of the knowledge. She's the godmother? Sam would be online. She'd 1:02:19 be cutting ass. Oh shit. She'd be kicking people's back in? I don't think, I really am just very direct. This is the thing 1:02:27 that I, and a lot of the times people will say, well why don't you go hard on the man? Why don't you go hard on the man? Why don't you go hard on the man? You go after women. Well, the thing is, 1:02:36 is that the reason, and they say, you don't like women, but you can't tell me I like, I don't like women while you're lying to them. Because if you love someone, you tell 1:02:44 them the truth. And so for me, I am very direct, and I try to cut through the delusion, because there's too much delusion, which allows for us as women not to be accountable, which now 1:02:52 means... She turned that shit on. She just turned that shit on. I'm just saying the truth. I'm just saying the truth. You ain't familiar? I 1:03:00 wasn't familiar. I wasn't familiar either. Hi, my name is Sarah. Hi, Sarah. I've seen a lot of clips, but you just turned that shit on. How do you pronounce your last 1:03:08 name? Fontenot. Well, now actually it's shorter. What does that mean? Oh, shorter. I thought you meant the name got shorter. Make some noise for being married. Oh, Congratulations. 1:03:17 Congratulations. Thank you. Some tall nigga too. Yeah, he is. He got some height on him. He does. How tall is he? 6, 7, and 3. Hello. Oh, Andrew 1:03:25 for Saturday. Hello. Put the Franks in there. Yep, yep, yep. Speaking of your marriage, you got married in like 5 minutes. I got married in 1:03:33 6 days. But there's a thing, okay, I gotta give y'all the caveat. So you niggas be laying that shit up right there. Yo, it's like, y'all, y'all. I'm 1:03:41 not lying, don't I familiar with the cop? Let's hear the story. So there's a thing, This is 1 of my closest friends for over 2 years. And 1:03:49 he was very much outside, successful, handsome, tall, doing his thing. 2 years is it? Oh, more than 2 years. He was my friend, and I mean just friends. When you're 1:03:57 my friend, I might like you, but if you wanna be outside having fun, go do that. You do you. I am dating with the intention of marriage 1:04:06 So I always say date them all don't sleep with any of them because that lowers your market value, but we get to that But 1:04:14 I say that to say that I had a trip in Costa Rica for my birthday last year, which was in July, and we were just 1:04:22 in sync on my birthday trip so much so that we were like, what do we, where we even go from here? So we were talking about it when we got back and August 12th We 1:04:30 decided to be together and August 18th. We got married and didn't tell anybody and February 15th We announced that we'd actually 1:04:38 already been married this whole time at our wedding. Ha Wow Okay, that's interesting. Told you It's different. It's very different for 1:04:46 sure. It's different, yeah. It is, it is. I waited 6 years, 6 days, I mean, you know. How does that happen? How does, that seems 1:04:54 like a fast track. It is a fast track. It's, this is the thing too, I feel like men, and y'all tell me if 1:05:02 I'm right or wrong, I don't think it takes a man a long period of time to know whether he wants to marry a woman or not. To know whether she's wife material. I 1:05:10 think a man knows within 3 to 6 months. Now whether you do it or not, that's a completely different ball game. But I think that you can understand the character of a 1:05:19 woman, you can understand her flow, you can understand all of, maybe not even all of it, but that's the thing about marriage, you're always gonna learn. You're never gonna know somebody 1:05:27 100%. So to sit here and be like, I need to know all of you before we get married is delusional as well. I don't think a man can recognize that. 1:05:35 I would say 6 months, I would say a year. You know all the foundational pieces to know if you have a certain level of compatibility with that person or if 1:05:43 they're moral compasses, lines of drawers. I don't think it takes forever. She'd be easy. It's fast for these tall niggas. Yeah. These tall niggas. They're right there at 1:05:51 the room. It seemed like the process would have to start with the man being able to recognize that he's husband material first. Absolutely. 1:06:00 And then being able to recognize, all right, this is what I would want in a wife. Yes. Like if you just, I mean, you can always look at someone and say that they exhibit like wifey 1:06:08 material qualities, but if you're not really exhibiting certain shit, you ain't going to really spot it. Well, they might spot it, but they'll probably fumble it. Because if you're not prepared to be 1:06:16 a husband, there's a difference between a man that just wants to get married and a man that wants to be a husband. Just like there's a difference between women that want to get married versus who wants to be a wife. And 1:06:24 so for me, I speak a lot to the high value, high earning masculine man and high value feminine woman and what does that look like? And I 1:06:32 just cut through all the BS because there's so many people out here that, and this is the thing too, I feel like single people can 1:06:40 give good advice, but then there's also advice that will keep you single. And a lot of these relational experts are speaking from such a 1:06:48 wounded, traumatized space, and because they're speaking to the trauma of other women, women are like, yeah, girl, yeah, it shouldn't resonate. 1:06:57 You are actually destroying the nuclear family and you don't even know it. I'm not man-centered, I'm nuclear family-centered, which requires a man. 1:07:05 So I'm, that's what I think. Christenship. No, no, I'm not even talking about Christian. I'm talking about the nuclear family. A 1:07:14 man, a woman. God for me, God, husband, wife, kid, everybody else. It's the hierarchy in the family. It's the 1:07:22 traditional hierarchy, natural order. But it's traditional to her. Well, when we speak into other people and when you say traditional, it 1:07:30 is usually attached to Christianity and things like that and Western culture. So yes, so if for someone who might not follow Christianity or for someone 1:07:38 who might have different experiences, like I saw you speak to other people and they had different ideas of what marriage and relationship, what it'd be open. 1:07:47 You was reading their ass, I ain't gonna. And you were speaking to what that looks like and what it looked like for them. And a lot of people always say they're happy in that situation and 1:07:55 they might be happy. But your response is there's no way you could actually be happy if you're not living that traditional standard? No, not that you can't be happy. 1:08:04 I think that in order for you to really, to really, there's just the difference between being married and being husband and wife. And I think in this generation, people are weak 1:08:12 and they quit. If you like that girl's picture on Instagram, You disrespected me, you raised your voice, I quit. Okay, well if that's the thing that's gonna get you to quit, you shouldn't be 1:08:20 married. Why are you even committing to marriage? Why are you excited about marriage? But if you are the type of person that's willing to have staying power, and I say this because my parents 1:08:28 have been together my whole life, And you know, when I look at my mom and my dad, my dad went through an injury. My mom had to hold the house down. My dad went through stage 4 cancer. 1:08:36 Like they are best friends. They still hold hands. They've been through everything. And they love each other 1:08:44 for real. Yeah. So for me, when I look at these people and they're willing to throw in the towel because oh He he he didn't he didn't he doesn't know how 1:08:52 to support my emotions baby girl He doesn't have emotional language And if you can't teach somebody how to love you then that's shame on you and that's 1 of the things that these gurus 1:09:01 will say online, they'll say, I'm not gonna teach no man how to love me, be single. Be single. Because nobody knows how to love you except for you. 1:09:09 Yeah, because he might have been great at the last chick. Right. I even say that with sex. Or anything. He might have fulfilled the last 1:09:17 chick. You might have a whole different language. So yo, you have to show him how you want to be loved as opposed to him just supposed to have 1:09:25 a PhD and loving every single woman because it's all different. And I think that applies even outside of romance. You gotta teach people how to treat 1:09:34 you and how to handle you. What do you say to people who walk into the relationship with this start? Because divorce 1:09:42 rate is high as hell. And you don't want to assume that every single couple that gets divorced, they just all didn't do marriage the right way. Maybe sometimes you grow out of love. 1:09:52 Like what do you say about those people who are out here really trying to do relationships the right way and still failing? I don't think there is a right way. 1:10:00 I think there's the way that works best for you. And I think that in order for it to work the best way for you, you have to know yourself. And that's a problem. People don't know themselves. 1:10:08 They could tell you all about Cardi B. They could tell you about Meg Thee Stallion. They could tell you about Lil Baby. But like, What does your soul 1:10:17 yearn for? They don't know. They don't know, because they've never had those conversations. And especially when it comes to a woman teaching a man, if that 1:10:25 man has never had to self-regulate, that man has never had to say, oh, this is how I feel. Because you all get asked, what do you do? You don't get asked 1:10:33 who you are. You don't get asked about how you feel. You know, and so now it hurts. It hurts. And I believe you. You play too much, y'all. 1:10:41 No, no, no, listen. He's joking, but you're married. We serious, but he's silly. I know it's serious. I know, and I believe it's serious. And I feel like 1:10:49 women are not safe spaces for men to come home to. I feel like women are the men that they want to be with. I feel like there is a different order inside 1:10:57 of the family. Things have gotten inverted. I also do think that some men are much more soft and they need better leadership, you know? So question for you. 1:11:05 Are you a, because I want to go back to 2 points. Are you a fan of therapy? Of course I'm a fan of therapy. And then you talked about 1:11:14 society being weak or marriages being weaker. Do you attribute it to options? Because back in the day 1:11:22 you just didn't have options. Now we could pick up our phone, it's 7000000 girls on your phone. Back in the day, if you were from this little town, your options were 1:11:30 within a 1 hour radius of your town. Like now the algorithm will show you all the girls that's like your wife. Everything you 1:11:38 like is right there. Why is he like this? So back in the day, like yo, you picked the best person within 1:11:46 1 hour of your town and you made it work because you just didn't have 1000000 other potential suitors. You get what I'm saying? So I think that plays 1:11:54 into it. And then with regards to the weakness, I'm not, I don't want nobody to, I'm not a fan of therapy like that. And I think some of that stuff 1:12:03 that is being Theropized? Conveyed through therapy lends to the weakness in society. 1:12:11 I think. I think it depends right on what you need. Therapy doesn't help everything. Like let's say that you're having conversations about attachment styles 1:12:20 and you're a dismissive avoidant. Therapy is just gonna beat you down which is just gonna shut you down which is just gonna end the relationship anyway. That's not a good... You need to 1:12:28 go to a coach that deals with attachment styles which is different from therapy if you need to get out your feelings and all of those things. And in regards to options, I think 1:12:36 people have a fake idea of the options that they have. Because just because someone is liking your photo, especially as a woman. Or jumping your DM, now 1:12:44 how many want to wife you? No, they want to smash you. They want to pop. That's it. And that's the thing, women be like, oh my god, this man was in my DMs. Okay, so he wants to 1:12:52 have sex with you. How many men are trying to actually show you they value you? That's the difference. It's so easy to get a man to want to smash. 1:13:01 But that goes back to speaking to someone being in touch with them knowing themselves because for a lot of people, I won't just say women, but for a lot of people that type of attention makes 1:13:09 them feel like they're valuable. And that's the problem that people value attention more than respect. Especially women. I feel like attention is the is the newest 1:13:17 hottest Commodity at this point and it's dangerous because now Like I don't trust a woman that needs attention at all because you'll do 1:13:25 anything for it So now you're gonna put me at risk because you You're willing to risk it all for what for likes on Instagram? You're willing to show 1:13:33 your bare naked body on social media where 1 day your kids will be able to look and say look Mommy's tatas mommy's this they can see your whole 1:13:42 naked body for what you're not even getting paid Most of these women it's for likes or they get they get to go on a trip and get sweat all over by 1:13:50 a man they don't like, by a man that doesn't value them. And that's okay. If that's what you want to do, do you. But stop acting like you're this serial entrepreneur that's 1:13:58 ultra successful when really what you're doing is you're inside of the prostitution era and that's okay. There's prostitution. All right. I can see why girls don't like 1:14:06 her. They need to listen to her. No, no, don't say they need to listen to her. No, that's not true. They don't need to listen. That's not 1:14:14 true. Because I'm saying There's a level of duality that someone can have where they would go online, and not say that they're on it with a bookings 1:14:23 attachment on there, but some women wanna go ahead and showcase. He's in the porn industry. Oh? No, I'm not. No, 1:14:32 I'm not. Don't. Yo, what the? Why you just said that, yo? The fact that y'all doing this is crazy. Because I'm listening to him, I just want to give her a profile on... He's in the morning. 1:14:40 Well, no, because I agree with the things he's saying. I just don't think it's blanketed to just women. So like when you say women really, you don't trust women that fall into needing 1:14:48 that type. I agree with you, but I also don't think that that's a woman thing. I think that's just people, period. I see men that use those types of women to get the type 1:14:56 of attention they need because they're low self-esteem, what they feel like. The chick that I have next to me makes me look like a better man. It's true. So I don't want to make it seem like it's a man 1:15:04 and woman thing. But I also don't want to make it seem like every woman that's online or, you know, some level of showcasing their 1:15:13 bikini line or their body Can't at least still want something like of substance. I think that's agree. I'm not I strongly disagree 1:15:23 I'm 80% on a disagreement. I think I think that when you are leading with your physical attributes, right? 1:15:33 You can't get mad when they look at you in a physical sense. It's no different than a man leading with money. When a man leads with money and then the chick wants you for your bread, 1:15:41 you can't call her a gold digger, my nigga. You led with that. That is what you presented as your superpower, the same way women present their bodies as 1:15:49 their superpower. Now when a nigga wants to take advantage of your body or your physical attributes, you can't be mad. You didn't, you understand 1:15:57 what I'm saying? When you start talking about substance, physically niggas wanna fuck. We all men in this room, pardon me, right? When you first meet a woman, I've said this before, 1:16:05 when you first meet a woman, you don't know her substance, you don't know what her sense of humor's like, you don't know if she's ambitious, you don't know if she's smart. So when she 1:16:13 gives you the physical reward early, most people don't have an incentive to even find out the intangible shit. Because we got to the 1:16:22 mountain top already. So it's the same thing with a chick. Yo, this nigga got mad money. I'm getting the money from the nigga, but he might be willing to help you put you through 1:16:30 school. You just want bags. So you kind of sell yourself short in the short term okay you get I'm saying that chick could be super dope to Emani's point she 1:16:38 could have mad substance but you let me pop the second day. But what about a fine chick that puts her bikini pictures on the internet and ain't fucking 1:16:46 ain't fucking. Yeah what if you're in her close friends? Okay, so this is the thing too. I think there's a difference between the lady that's posting a bikini pic in her living room and the person that's 1:16:54 actually in the beach. In St. Martin, yeah, it's a difference. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not, look, I love a sexy number, okay? I am not saying don't be sexy, don't be fitted, 1:17:03 dress like a nun. Like, I'm not saying that. I'm saying time and place. That's what I'm saying. And I'm also saying if you dress like the UPS man, I 1:17:11 expect you to deliver the mail. If you look like a hoe, I'mma treat you like a hoe. If you talk like a hoe, I'm gonna treat you like a hoe. If you do all these things, and I know it's hard, 1:17:19 but that's for the majority, right? And if you put yourself out there, don't get mad at the attention that you get. Don't do it. 1:17:28 I'm not saying don't get mad. I think it's something that you have to consider when you go ahead and do that. I just think when all of us have way more experience than just what we see in 1:17:36 front. For us, we come on this podcast and there's a part of ourselves that we speak to that can lend a whole world of people to look at us a certain way 1:17:44 without ever taking the time to get to know us. But we do it with our clothes on. Yes. Sometimes. Well, sometimes we do it with our clothes on. But 1:17:52 the effect is still the same because you still prejudging somebody based off of whatever they're choosing to entertain the world with. And all of us up here, at some point, 1:18:01 find enjoyment in some of these things that we're now talking against. We've all clicked, well not you, but we've all clicked those pictures. We've 1:18:09 all subscribed to some OnlyFans. But what were you subscribing to them for? You weren't subscribing to them to say, let me learn about her intellect. Let me see how 1:18:18 she can change my life. Let me see if this is someone that I wanna marry. This is a woman that you want to smash. This is a woman that you're interested in seeing, not someone to value 1:18:26 it. And that's why I differ, because yes, I can enjoy that in that moment, but I also don't prejudge them and say that they don't have any other worthy quality. Society pre-judges, that's not fair to say. I'm 1:18:34 just speaking for me. And I love that. You are the exception to the rule. Yeah. Because the majority of men, I think, what? No, he is the exception. No, he is. He's an exception. I think the 1:18:42 majority of men could probably say that if you're looking at certain women on the internet, you're not looking at them to do anything other than fantasize, hit up, smash, take down, take 1:18:50 the dinner, go on a trip with, like, you got to call a spade a spade. That might be where you're starting. No, no, no. But look, that's not just the internet. You can meet a girl in Target 1:18:59 that's fully clothed, And we still have the same intent. Yes, of course. But the girl that is ass naked, 1:19:07 not in the Bahamas, they be ass naked, like she said, in your living room. We definitely, we sitting up here lying if we say we don't 1:19:15 view them from a different lens. So how could we be surprised or be appalled when a woman sees us, and I know it's not totally equivalent, 1:19:24 but if you go outside, all of us like to dress nice. Well, some of us like to dress nice, like to wear jewelry, like to go ahead, spend some money, pull up in 1:19:32 a nice car, and without talking, that's what we're kinda leading with in the moment. That's not true. That's apples and oranges, Emoni. That's not even close. I think unless you're hopping 1:19:40 out of your car or someone sees you out of their house or they know watches and most, unless you're in that world, you don't know, right? You don't know how much the Rolex costs 1:19:49 You don't know how much the AP cut you don't know you wouldn't even know it if you saw it if you're not Are you shaking your car keys in the restaurant shit like they wouldn't know that it's really like how you're 1:19:57 groomed How do you speak? What's your cadence like there's way to tell things about a man of like, oh, okay, I'm interested to know, because he's stoic or whatever it is that interests. 1:20:05 I'm speaking solely to the example you gave of what we promote online and the first things that we see. So there are a lot of men who lead with that online. Here's a 1:20:13 question. And that's all you ever see of them. What you said, they pull up in a restaurant with nice clothes and niggas taking pictures in front of a car We're moving on a counter 1:20:22 or they that's that's the equivalent to in my opinion to the chick that is only taking pictures of their physical physical attributes 1:20:31 also If you see niggas and a Rolls Royce pull up and just park they should write in front of the establishment You know what type of time 1:20:39 are you corny? No, no, I'm serious I'm saying for the valet Nick. It's like dog deep the niggas ain't trying to oh shit. I forgot 1:20:48 That's what I said. I forgot about your story. That's what I'm saying, yeah. I was just saying. I thought that's what you said. No, no, but I'm ill like that. That's good though. That's a good segue. But when you see niggas park they 1:20:56 fucking Rolls Royce in front of the spot, rather than think, all right, these niggas trying to show off and get some ass. No, I don't want to park my $500, 000 car over here where 1:21:04 it's going to get side swiped. I want to be able to keep an eye on it. No, fuck side swipe. I want them niggas to line me up when I'm walking to my $500, 000 car. 1:21:13 We were talking about Atlanta. My man almost got carjacked for his Rolls Royce in Atlanta. Y'all know the difference between the niggas who do that and the niggas who 1:21:21 really do it. Yeah, true. Come on. There's some corny niggas that do it. Yeah. The real piece is, it's where society places value on many women. 1:21:29 Yes. Women, society places value into their beauty. Great point. The more beautiful you are, the more value you have. With a man, it's money. True. That's 1:21:38 just what it boils down to. That's a great point. I was just going to say, I love that you say that cuz it's that's actually like human nature right women naturally value and seek safety and security 1:21:46 Which does involve monetary provision And men are searching for an aesthetic because they're looking for their heir, right? Their legacy, their children. If you 1:21:54 are beautiful, symmetry, which is how you measure beauty, that says whether you're healthy or not. Usually, like scientifically speaking, the 1:22:03 more symmetrical you are, the more beauty that you have, meaning the healthier that you are, all of these different things. So it's literally like a subconscious thing 1:22:11 that you're doing. That's why they put value on money and why you put value on looks. I mean, it's human nature. I think that's our first 1:22:19 disagreement, but it's cool. What were you about to say? Nothing, I'm blinded because you keep waving your ring around. Stop. That motherfucker 1:22:27 did it. No, that shit is. That shit is. He did good. He did good. He did good. So tell me about what would 1:22:36 and could be considered irreconcilable differences. For me? Yeah. Yeah. Like divorce isn't on the table for me. 1:22:44 It's not. It's not on the table for me. And now this is the caveat and I'm crazy Okay, and my husband knows I'm crazy and my husband is also 1:22:52 a crazy The only thing crazy. Oh, I'm crazy for sure. Not crazy. I'm a like like there's something inside of me 1:23:01 I got it's in you know what I mean if it comes to you or my kids It's gonna be you If it comes to you or my kids, it's going to be you. If it comes to you or my kid or my, it's over 1:23:09 for you, right? I know that about myself. But luckily I've learned to regulate and be calm and I don't fly off the handle and all of 1:23:17 these things, but if ever necessary, I got it. If my husband were to physically mop me, 1:23:25 I mean beat me down, that's the only way out. But then I'm not divorced, I'm a widow. Got it. 1:23:34 That part. Cause it's over. It's done. Concealed carry, bang bang. It's right. That's the only thing that I can, like, like. Till 1:23:42 death do us part. Till death, it's not on the table for me. So now you gotta, you gotta handle it different. You were raised in a Christian household? 1:23:50 Yeah, well actually my dad is Rosifarian and my mom's a Christian. Was Jamaican? In his mind, but no. Oh, you don't gotta be 1:23:58 Jamaican to be Rosifarian. My dad's from Compton, California. My mom's from Windsor, Ontario. So I got Compton in Canada, you know, I'm kind of somewhere in the middle 1:24:06 So so then I will So mom 1:24:15 was the Christian yeah, And when you were around dad and his Rastafarian beliefs, was that difficult to... Understand? 1:24:23 Yeah, because I'm familiar with the Rastafarian beliefs. Yeah, how they eat is different. It's very different, but no, Not for me. I think my 1:24:31 parents, why are you all giving these to us right now? What's happening? Oh, those beliefs. I'm really getting a roster. What do you mean? Are you from Jamaica, nigga? Every Jamaican ain't roster. 1:24:40 But my family, I have roster friends in my family. But which traditions are you talking about? Specifically. I'm trying to pick up what you put in there. Just talk it. 1:24:48 Just let me talk. Got it. Yeah. Sorry. I wasn't confused. No, I- Because you're not confused about the how it go down. They're 1:24:56 just trying to be funny. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I feel Like my parents did a really good job of letting kids be kids. You know, we weren't grown. It wasn't, it 1:25:04 was, it was, and I also think my parents must have made a decision before we all came into the equation that was like, oh, this will be a Christian household. You 1:25:13 could do you, but the kids are going to be raised this way. So it was never, it was never confusing. My dad was never like, my dad has always said, Ja, Ja 1:25:21 Rastafari, you know, but he never was like, even now, or the way that he talks, he talks a little bit different, but he doesn't say 1:25:29 that God or Jesus are wrong. Yeah, but even in the Rastafarian beliefs, the Christian ideals, 1:25:38 Rasta ideals, they still are, for the most part, aligned, like karmic retribution or, you know what I'm saying? Like, so if you believe in just being 1:25:46 morally sound, they're both damn near interchangeable. Yeah. So, when you say, so, and then you also stated that 1:25:54 there's nothing that can, it's a deaf-duer's part, so, if cheating happens, how do you deal with that? I feel like, first 1:26:02 of all, so... 00I love this conversation. I'm ready. So, I'm very open, right? Transparency open, not open in my marriage at 1:26:10 all. However, I highly value transparency, openness, and honesty. And I think there's a difference between cheating and 1:26:18 an arrangement. And I think that if my husband, because I've never been married for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, I don't know what it looks like. He might be like, sexually, I 1:26:26 want to try something else, I don't want to ruin this house. And maybe that is Pandora's box, maybe that's exactly what we need. I don't know. But I do know that I don't believe 1:26:34 that a man having sex with another woman means that he loves me less because men look at sex differently. So I'm not saying that I would be okay with 1:26:43 him having that or us making that arrangement. I don't know. I'm speaking from logic, not experience. But what I do know is that if 1:26:51 my husband were to have desires that he's really having a struggle overcoming, it's a conversation. If anyone ever saw my 1:26:59 husband out with a woman, I already knew, you know what I mean? Like it would never be like, oh my God, I don't do deceit, I don't do 1:27:07 lies, I don't do betrayal. Because now I'm looking at you like you're weak because I think it's weak to cheat Personally if you can if you can tell me you love me 1:27:15 to my face but lie behind my back, me. Because some women would prefer to be lied to. That's not me. That's not me. So if you tell me you 1:27:23 love me and then you lie behind my back, you don't love me. I can't trust you. You know? 2 questions. Do you really 1:27:31 believe that men and women approach sex differently or 1:27:39 is that something societal? So everybody up here outside of yourself is a dude. So when women say, yo. Clearly. 1:27:48 No, no. So I was going. At least that's how we identify it. Yo, so, cause 1:27:56 I hear people say it a lot, like, yo, women and men looking sex differently. I think that's something that was taught. I don't think that's something that's innate. And every man up here can attest 1:28:05 to women be out here doing the same shit dudes do. Y'all just get judged harshly for doing the same thing. So I don't know if necessarily 1:28:13 women approach sex differently or if that's learned behavior. I think that sexual promiscuity is seeded inside of trauma. 1:28:22 I don't think it's natural for a woman to be sexually promiscuous. You don't think it's biological? No, at all. Really? No, 1:28:30 we can't wash y'all off. There's no way we're supposed to have all these different spirits inside of our body. It doesn't make any sense to me. And also, it's a double 1:28:38 standard. And people will try to say, and they can get as mad as they wanna get, it is just a fact that a high value, high earning masculine man, or just a high 1:28:46 value masculine man has more options. And this is what a lot of times people speak to what they don't know, no 1 in this room, but a lot of people in the comments, 1:28:54 right? They'd be like, oh, so you care about if this man has a body count. Okay, well, if he has an option of 2000, but he slept with 20, am 1:29:03 I really mad? If he has 2000, he slept with 200. Am I really upset that it's 10%? Now if you only have an option of 20 girls 1:29:11 and then you sleep with 18, those are 2 very different men, right? The selection is different, the option is different. And I'm not saying have 1, 000 bodies in your bag. I'm not saying that. I'm just 1:29:21 saying that I think that it's very different and for women it's not, I don't think it's natural. I think it's trauma. I think somewhere or 1:29:30 it's buried inside of, hypersexuality is buried inside of rejection and abandonment. Like when you've been rejected 1:29:38 so many times or no 1 wants to commit to you or being beautiful is a curse sometimes, a lot of the times actually, people just want you for what you look like 1:29:46 and not for who you are that you... You can feel empty. Yeah. And then it's like, well, this is all there is. And then you start saying those stupid things. 1:29:54 We could do them like they do us. No, you're hurting. No, you can't. That's true. You're wounded. And it's not the same. I agree with that piece. I agree with that part. I was just saying like, 1:30:02 I think that it's like cheating. Like when you are in a committed relationship and another pretty woman walks in the door, 1:30:11 you still might look at them with the same exact thoughts that you had when you were single. Now though, the commitment and the potential loss of your 1:30:19 significant other won't let you act on it, right? I think that, and I'm not a woman, so I'm guessing, I think that when women see 1:30:27 men and they physically see a man that they find attractive, They still have that same mental or sexual urge, but society will call y'all 1:30:35 whores, call y'all harlots and all that other shit, so you may not act on it. You get what I'm saying? I don't, I don't, I don't like how we generalize love. 1:30:43 It's not love, we talking about sex. All of this shit is super general. Very general. I'm just saying, when you speak to a 1:30:53 woman being promiscuous, right? Or you speak to, let's just take a relationship that is actually practicing other 1:31:01 sexual tendencies that most relationships won't, open relationships, swingers, whatever it is. Yeah. Right? I don't think everybody should be 1:31:09 lumped into the concept of that's coming from a place of trauma or that's coming from a place of you not really being in, like it's, don't get me wrong, 1:31:17 I think what you're speaking to is maybe. I think sex in relationships is a case by case basis. Yeah. It's super highly variable. And that's 1:31:25 kind of why like these conversations, I get it, which is why I understand why a lot of people kind of gravitated to Kevin or gravitate to yourself or even Kendra 1:31:33 or someone. Like there is a practicing standard of how you guys are promoting love for people of, like you say, a 1:31:41 higher standard or high value, right? I just, I never liked these conversations because it's just so general that I think we 1:31:49 start to speak about things in a Way that ignores all the other people out here right who are living different lives and very happy They're not dealing with 1:31:57 that trauma Or if they have that with the trauma they've actually addressed it and they found what make them happy as a person I love 1:32:05 that you said that And this is my question for every man in this room, okay? And y'all tell me, this is the lady asking me in the room. Yes, you guys 1:32:14 get to tell me. Bar for bar. Let's say that you are in, you want to be in a relationship and you're 1:32:22 all high value men in here, right? You all have something going on, you're all passionate, you all have values, you all have morals, you have a compass that points in the direction that you pointed to. Now 1:32:30 I know there are exceptions to the rule, but I don't speak to the exception. I speak to the majority. The men in here, would you guys be with a woman? Would 1:32:38 you powerfully choose a woman that your boys or people that you know, multiple people that you know, have ran through? Maybe. 1:32:47 Okay? I wouldn't rush to it, and I wouldn't prefer that, and I wouldn't choose that. Yeah. But if that's the person I fell in love with. Yeah, 1:32:55 he never will. He sits on the opposite side of that. See? I'm aware of it. I can speak to that. And Also, you were in the entertainment industry, and still in the entertainment industry. 1:33:03 It's different. I mean, before the entertainment industry shit, that was... Yeah, I might be, I think me and Flip might be alone in that. We wouldn't do it. 1:33:11 But everybody else would. I think the rest of us would. If I have a connection with that person, yeah. So now you speak to majority. I don't know if that's the person that takes care of me. So, but y'all are 1:33:19 in an entertainment industry. And they're outliers in this. So it's different. They are outliers in this. So do you think, okay, so let's put it this way. I'm saying even before entertainment industry stuff, that's a way 1:33:27 I've always thought. I've always been in the entertainment industry. Okay, you're an exception, I think. Do you think, okay, so let's talk corporate, right? Let's talk just not in the entertainment 1:33:35 industry. Do you think that the majority of men would choose the woman bar for bar both women are the same 1 has been ran through by a lot of your 1:33:43 people that you may know. Why do you have to say ran through? Why do you have to say ran through? That's a very negative connotation. What if she had loving relationships 1:33:52 with men? I'll speak for myself. I came up in a small town. There's not but such a big crop. Someone that you know was going to also sleep with a bad chick. Somebody else dusted that crop. 1:34:00 Someone else dusted that and you dusted his crops too. Right. Like it's gonna happen. So, Ranthru just sounds crazy. 1:34:08 When she says Ranthru and then... I know what she means. Ranthru means multiple niggas popped and they wasn't in loving relationships. It was just y'all 1:34:17 seen it and you was a slide. But ran through also means I got word of this from all over the street, but you. Cause when she was talking, I was like, well, 1:34:25 how's that guy going to know who these 2 women have been with? When she says ran through word got around word, got around. And in the corporate space, I 1:34:33 agree with you. I think most people are choosing the 1 that's not ran through. And I also think that it's different, and I often say this too, even on my show, it's different 1:34:41 in the entertainment industry, and there are absolutely exceptions to the rule. I'm never going to say there's not an exception, but I don't speak to the exception. 1:34:49 I speak to the majority. So for women that want to have a high value, let's just say high value masculine man, those are the men that have 1:34:57 all the options. Those are the men that could take the pick of the litter and then add some emotional intelligence in there, that man could have any woman that he wants. Let him be tall. Oh my gosh, 1:35:06 he's damn near like God himself, you know? So when you start looking at that, why would that man choose you if you haven't been disciplined 1:35:14 with yourself? It is a double standard, and it sucks. For a multitude of reasons. For a multitude of reasons. She might be kind, 1:35:22 she might have a good family. But bar for bar, you're saying that like the other women that are options are not. Bar for bar, woman that is sexually promiscuous, kind, 1:35:30 loving, nurturing, does all the things. Woman that is not sexually promiscuous, kind, loving, nurturing, all of those things. Bar for bar. You're 1:35:39 starting to make rarities. No, she's saying the woman is the exact same. I'm just saying the rarities are like. She's saying 1:35:47 they are the exact same, but except 1 of them is promiscuous. The other 1 is not. Everything else is the same and relative. This is where we 1:35:55 fucked up at. This is what we didn't consider though. We didn't consider, take the attribute today, right? There's 1:36:03 still a person that you have to get to know and fall in love with. That person has their own character, their own personality. That person that might be promiscuous, 1:36:12 I might like their character more. It might be funnier, There might be a certain level of love like like we choose the the attributes me why 1 we don't choose the person 1:36:20 we fall in love That's true. When did you find out about her? Prevuscuity doesn't matter What 1:36:30 I'm saying is In your example if I don't know either of these 2 women, and you hear what 1:36:38 you heard about this 1, yeah, you might choose the other 1 first. But if I've developed some kind of connection 1:36:46 here with this person and then you find out some information, it might be too late. But now you just contradicted yourself though because you said it don't 1:36:54 matter before. You said, yo, that's never mattered to me. I'm saying if you already have that connection with the person, It don't matter. You also put a lot of faith in word and mouth. I know, 1:37:02 I'm talking about the information. You said, before you said, yo, even before I was in the entertainment industry, it never mattered. But 1:37:11 I'm elaborating on it. I'm just saying that. When I say it didn't matter, I'm talking about getting that actor, if I know this person, and then, yo, that's who you with? Yo, check 1:37:19 this out, she's been boom, boom, boom, boom. Well, I already fell in love with this chick, so save your stories. That's what I'm talking about. But if you heard it before, if I heard it before, would 1:37:27 it matter? I would be apprehensive of talking to that person. So that's what her point, she just proved it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I'm asking when, but now I get 1:37:35 it. But the exception of Parks, I mean, a lot of us men have ego. Yeah. I'm going to be honest. Parks got ego? Parks got all the ego 1:37:43 in the world. What I'm saying is that he's saying he might not care if a lot of men have sex with a girl. Excuse me, you said the same thing. Let me speak for myself. My ego is 1:37:51 too big for me to walk outside and know that 5 people are gonna look at me like this girl that he was with is a slut. That wouldn't make me feel comfortable. I don't 1:37:59 feel special. Exactly. I don't think any guy gets the same version of any girl. Yeah, and I agree, I do agree with you on that. 1:38:07 I think that depends on the relationship and the honesty and the communication. Like if she comes and she says, this is what this is, that's what it's at, then it may be different, but 1:38:16 I don't wanna go out there and that's what happens a lot. A lot of our egos get drooled. And trampled on with situations like that. Just 1:38:24 move. What's the quote? Yeah, you gotta go to Charlotte, baby. Nobody know what you're doing. I got another question for all y'all, but before I ask you, that's 1:38:32 why my platform, I say what I say, because there are too many young women that aren't hearing this side of the pendulum. They hear, you know, 1:38:40 be a bad, you know, all of that. They hear all of that. We could do it here. Yeah, no, and I don't want them to think that. Not hearing how you're gonna be viewed. If you want your best shot, 1:38:49 if you want your best shot, date them all, have fun, get to know people, have experiences, don't have sex with these men because you will be ran through and once you know that 1:38:57 the odds, the number of people, of those men that have all the options, why would they choose you? That's really the point of everything that I say. 1:39:05 But now this is my next question. Do y'all believe you can turn a hoe into a housewife? Yes. Turn? Yes. I believe that a hoe 1:39:13 could decide to become a housewife. She can be in the right situation. Does she have great domestic skills? I think that, did she get all 1:39:21 her hoe out of her system? I think that a lot of times being a hoe could be traumatic. And I think women will get to a spot where 1:39:29 they've tolerated and endured a bunch of the shit. And when you meet a man that might look at you, we spoke on the physical shit, when you meet 1:39:37 a man that's pouring into you, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and the other niggas never did that, you look at him in a different light and you 1:39:45 don't wanna lose that. So I do think that that's possible. Or you think he's boring. Because when you're in the chaos... You asked me, is it possible? Okay, okay. I think it is definitely 1:39:53 -> 100:02.100] possible when you've gotten past the point where you don't want to... I'm tired of my dog getting kicked in. I'm tired of this nigga blacking my eye.