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Production & Vocals: Jamie and Carlos Homs, for TTT

Episode

"The Hope Advocate" (feat. Dr. Cheyenne Bryant) | Patreon Exclusive

Apr 24 · Duration: —

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— [100:07.600 --> 100:15.620] who is just with you because she's broke. I'm in love with you. And you do well. You're just not making these millions. And you are

— [100:15.620 --> 100:23.640] a faithful family man. And you do all them things that work for me. I'm not, let me not generalize, I'm not walking away

— [100:23.680 --> 100:31.740] from that man. How do you fall in love though if money is 1 of the things that not you, drives you, that drives a woman. That drives you, like because you said in love, but to

— [100:31.740 --> 100:39.980] get to that place, right? Oftentimes money is 1 of the initial things that allows a woman to even

— [100:39.980 --> 100:48.040] get to feel attracted to this man or to give him a shot. Doc is capping-ish. She also, And let me tell you why I say that. I don't feel like arguing

— [100:48.040 --> 100:56.220] with the cat. She capping because she also said that I live a certain lifestyle. So if you could upkeep my lifestyle. And that's why. She just buttered it up. That's why I say it's capped.

— [100:56.220 --> 101:04.240] She's found the way the word is. Come on to you, girl. Perfectly. But you say all the time, you gotta keep up with what I'm doing in my area.

— [101:04.240 --> 101:12.460] So I didn't say you have to keep up with what I'm doing. I said if you can provide a certain quality of life. But 9 times out of 10,

— [101:12.460 --> 101:20.940] money is a catalyst in that provision. But she's attracting what she wants to attract. But hold on, but money is a moving part of that. OK,

— [101:20.940 --> 101:28.980] y'all, let's be realistic. You guys think that I don't attract men who make millions? You don't think I don't attract men who have multi-million dollar contracts? No, no, I don't know. Of course. Oh,

— [101:28.980 --> 101:37.240] God. But that's not the only print. OK, you think that I don't attract it. Okay, good. No, we believe it. So, I'm sarcastic with you. So what I'm saying is- Freeze, what'd you say?

— [101:37.240 --> 101:45.360] We know. At this juncture, right? At this juncture in my life, do you think that if money was the main catalyst that I couldn't just tie in and have

— [101:45.360 --> 101:53.380] 2 things, an investment baby or an investment husband. That's not what we're saying. So what I'm saying is money is a moving part. But if a man,

— [101:53.380 --> 102:01.640] which has happened many times, comes to me with all the money in the world, but he's a womanizer, That's a hard non-negotiable. I'm

— [102:01.640 --> 102:09.880] not doing it. You're slipping the jab right now. I'm not doing it. You're slipping the jab. You slipped the jab. How would I leave? Reverse it. Reverse it what? So you said the man comes to you with all the money

— [102:09.880 --> 102:18.200] in the world, but he lacks character. Now let's say the man comes to you with character, with integrity, he's dope,

— [102:18.320 --> 102:26.320] family man. You're saying what I just said. He make 150. But it's not a dollar amount. Forget the dollar amount. Use a different amount.

— [102:26.320 --> 102:34.320] He can't provide the lifestyle that you are currently living. But listen, it's not him providing the lifestyle that I currently live.

— [102:34.320 --> 102:42.320] Let me explain it differently. That's what you said. No, not the lifestyle. I said a great quality of life. There's a difference. There's a difference. My lifestyle, let's just say my

— [102:42.320 --> 102:50.620] lifestyle, I don't wanna put it, it costs a certain dollar now, right? X. X amount of money. And this man can't afford X amount of dollars But he can provide

— [102:50.620 --> 102:58.900] a quality of life what I mean by quality of life is we can take trips We can we can go to dinner We can can

— [102:58.900 --> 103:06.980] can go on date nights this man and I'm only going performance if you're talking about the money part, right? This man can surprise me with a pair

— [103:06.980 --> 103:15.420] of shoes or something cute that he's seen. It doesn't matter. It matters. I wear everything from Fashion Nova all the way to Balenciaga to

— [103:15.820 --> 103:23.900] Hermes to, it doesn't matter. You're cheating now. No, I just said my ex-fiance wasn't going to buy no Balenciagas. But you said after he

— [103:23.900 --> 103:32.620] took you to Africa and Paris 2 months apart, yes Which means he has a certain money? Access

— [103:32.900 --> 103:41.140] that would allow to go to Africa in January and Paris in March. Wait, he can have certain money access-ish, but guess what?

— [103:41.140 --> 103:49.360] He can also have what I said earlier. Relationships. Relationships, baby. True. So he could have took on a trip without it being, without having the odds. Listen, what I'm saying

— [103:49.360 --> 103:57.380] is this, I don't care how much you make, I wanna make sure that you can provide a quality of life that you and I

— [103:57.380 --> 104:05.780] are happy with together. The reason why I say that is because when a man gets with a woman that he wants to provide for and he cannot, he emasculates himself.

— [104:06.160 --> 104:14.280] I don't have to emasculate him because he starts to feel less valued. He starts to feel less of a man. Now guess what? You showing up short in the bedroom when

— [104:14.280 --> 104:22.540] I don't have a problem with making love to you and doing all these other things I've been doing. On the 300th day accounts. You the 1, come on, whatever we do. Air

— [104:22.540 --> 104:30.600] mattress. Right, air mattress. No, you're the 1 that has an issue, you're the 1 that has an issue with your shortcomings. So the reason why it's important

— [104:30.720 --> 104:38.780] for us to collectively have a adult conversation that says are you also comfortable with what you

— [104:38.780 --> 104:46.800] can do with us and for us because I don't want to get to the point where now you're resentful towards yourself you think you're showing up because no matter how much I tell

— [104:46.800 --> 104:55.120] him he's amazing, if this man thinks he's coming up short, he's coming up short. And it's going to show up in the relationship. But even if he feel that way, sometimes

— [104:55.120 --> 105:03.160] it's overlooked that a man may feel that way, because it's a lot of pressure provided for a woman of your stature or other women that live a certain lifestyle. But a woman should be

— [105:03.160 --> 105:11.320] in tune with her man enough to say babe. What's up? What's going on? He ain't your man yet. What's up? What's going on? Like my fiance same issue. I said this on

— [105:11.320 --> 105:19.420] I think Shannon Sharp He's sitting on the couch, you know, he's watching ESPN top 10 You know the thing just repeats itself over and over again if you don't change the channel. You see the same damn top 10 plays.

— [105:19.960 --> 105:28.020] Right, so I hear the thing for about an hour and a half. I'm like, like something ain't right. So I go in the living room. I just sit on the arm of the chair and I say, and he's still

— [105:28.020 --> 105:36.240] looking at the damn TV. He ain't acknowledged me. I said, baby, I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I'm not going nowhere. And

— [105:36.240 --> 105:44.240] he literally sat about 2 seconds. He didn't say nothing. He turned to me and tears just flowed down that 6, 8, 240

— [105:44.240 --> 105:52.240] pound man's face. He just looked at me and tears just flowed. He looked back at the da da da da da da, ESPN. And when he did that, all I did was put my hand around him

— [105:52.340 --> 106:00.400] and I literally just held. And he didn't move, he just shifted with me and tears just flowed down. I just wanted him to know in that moment that. He knew he had got cut from a team or some

— [106:00.400 --> 106:08.560] shit. He was watching his old shit. I got the notification. You hear

— [106:08.560 --> 106:17.020] about fucking Pink Slippers? He just held him in your crowd. He was here for him. I'm suckin'. She Floyd

— [106:17.660 --> 106:25.700] Mayweather. Your dog who just comes up to you. I'm here. I'm not even. And then left. And then

— [106:26.400 --> 106:34.660] left. Out of all the shit that could be going on in the world, I'm going to just come sit on the couch and say, I ain't leaving you, daddy. He was a retired basketball

— [106:34.700 --> 106:42.820] player so there was not even another contract to come. So give me, no we're not going to do that. He was a retired, I met him retired, he wasn't even playing no more. But you left him.

— [106:42.820 --> 106:50.840] He was retired. But not because of that. And why is that? Why is that? Hold on, let's go further. And I left a man who was keeping me so obviously

— [106:51.140 --> 106:59.240] money isn't not that you said it isn't the only Catalyst it is less money in general if you're a single mother a single father if

— [106:59.240 --> 107:07.240] you're a single person is there we So that we all need it has to be considered I think that when money is the only thing that a woman is considering a

— [107:07.240 --> 107:15.340] man's value to be is when it becomes an issue. Because if that's all you looking for, then that's exactly why I always say you see the most

— [107:15.340 --> 107:23.580] beautiful woman with a baby, a baby daddy, and no motherfucking ring. Because if that's all she's looking for, then

— [107:23.580 --> 107:31.720] she got it. It's a nigga that I had to give it to you. You got it. Multiple niggas that I had to give it to you. There you go. Because whatever you're looking for, guess what? It's multiple niggas that I had to give it to you. You're fine. You're fine. This is why I don't say

— [107:31.720 --> 107:39.880] I leave with money. I leave with a man who can be realistic and say, baby, look, this is what I can do. This is what daddy can't do. What's the obsession with us always

— [107:39.880 --> 107:47.940] having to focus when we talk about love and finding love that we always hone in the first conversation is money. Money or sex? Yeah. Like when

— [107:47.940 --> 107:56.080] I talk, when I think back to just past generations, maybe it's just the social media era or whatever, right? But when I think about past generations, even within the 90s

— [107:56.080 --> 108:04.380] and all that, I understand the cost of living is higher. But a lot of people never led with that being the first conversations you need to have in order to find love. Is the financial

— [108:04.380 --> 108:12.460] mercy piece of it? Yeah, so when we get into these platforms, and I know a lot of us have different experiences of- Hold up, nigga, we

— [108:12.460 --> 108:20.460] making sure we keep the finances. She good, she listening, she good, she professional. Making sure We beautiful while you ask your question. She good. Yeah, I'm so silly. Lock them down.

— [108:20.940 --> 108:29.240] She got them, she got them. Yo, you stupid. I got my web out. Hey, hey, don't do that, yo. This corner,

— [108:29.340 --> 108:37.340] you got the, you got the, around the finger. No, That corner right there. Did you get it too? No, I'm cool over here. I'm good. I got my web

— [108:37.340 --> 108:45.560] on. You were saying Amani. You were going somewhere good with this. Shit, I forgot. You were saying about money. Mass movement. Yes,

— [108:45.680 --> 108:53.720] yes. In the days. We are privileged to our experience and we often talk to people who are not

— [108:53.720 --> 109:01.720] experiencing any of this and they don't even consider it and I feel like we start to condition them by talking about it so much in the way that we do to make them now start

— [109:01.720 --> 109:09.880] to feel like they're supposed to experience love or find love in the same way. That's because we don't deem family as being the real wealth. Okay. We just

— [109:09.880 --> 109:18.300] don't in our black community. We don't. Wealthy to, not all I'm saying to the men you are speaking of is a baddie.

— [109:19.080 --> 109:27.200] That is his value. Wealthy to the women that you're speaking of is a deal with money. It don't matter if it's a contract, it don't matter

— [109:27.200 --> 109:35.740] if he a D-boy. She don't care. She don't care. She'll have a baby by him and not even think, what if he goes to jail for life? Now my child has no father. That's

— [109:35.740 --> 109:43.900] the wealth. You see, and this is the thing, money has been the only thing that has separated us. But family is the only wealth that'll

— [109:43.900 --> 109:52.020] always keep us together. And I'm not even talking about family like meaning your blood. I'm talking about family like us here Operating as a family all of us

— [109:52.020 --> 110:00.080] community, right? Like even as a black woman here, we don't have to be romantic for y'all to respect me as your sister I don't have to be white for you to

— [110:00.080 --> 110:08.140] respect me as your sister and you don't have to be black for me to respect you as my bro. This is community about just what's like a human right, which is just some

— [110:08.140 --> 110:16.180] damn respect. And so I think that to what you're saying is, we gotta get back to seeing that families are real wealth, and that

— [110:16.180 --> 110:24.200] it's not a competitive thing of who here can perform or outperform each other to win my love. See my job as a woman, as a

— [110:24.200 --> 110:32.460] wife is to make sure that you understand that it don't matter who's in this room. I can't be taken baby. I can only leave and I have

— [110:32.460 --> 110:40.640] no desire intention of leaving you So I can't and it's about me also not seeing me and you walk in a room and it's dude What his diamond's

— [110:40.640 --> 110:48.660] on and leaving in his Lambo Lamborghini and getting on his yacht and knowing that you don't have that But we got some good shit. We got wealth we just don't have that type of riches. But we got

— [110:48.660 --> 110:56.820] wealth, I said riches and wealth on purpose. And me making sure that I understand as a woman that if you deem to shift in your energy a little insecure, my job

— [110:56.820 --> 111:05.040] is to catch it and to make sure that I'm empowering you and loving on you right there in that moment. Not to demonize or weaponize you because oh I see his weakness he weak

— [111:05.040 --> 111:13.100] to a dude who got more he weak to a dude who can outperform him no why do I not want to let you know oh nah that ain't

— [111:13.100 --> 111:21.100] nothing to me I'm on you I love you Why am I not kissing on you? I used to tell my fiance, when we walk in a place and you see or you think a man's looking

— [111:21.100 --> 111:29.280] at me and I don't see it, slap me on my ass. Give me a kiss. Grab me by my throat and tongue. Kiss me. Let him know this your shit because it is. I don't want you to, whatever

— [111:29.280 --> 111:37.300] you got to do so you know that you that dude in that room? I am running that play with you. Look, you quarterback, though I'm, listen, I'm mossing all day

— [111:37.300 --> 111:45.720] long, Brady. I'm gonna moss it all day because you're who I chose. And why do I want to choose a man that I deflate Or

— [111:45.720 --> 111:53.800] that I don't empower or that I allow to be so insecure that now I can use your vulnerability to control you Because that's

— [111:53.800 --> 112:01.920] a woman who ain't there to love you That's the woman who was there to manipulate and use you and that is a narcissistic woman So I want to be able to

— [112:01.920 --> 112:10.040] be in tune with, hey, this makes you insecure. I even want a man to be able to tell me like, yo, when we do X, Y, and Z, I got a problem with it. Then tell me what the issue is so

— [112:10.040 --> 112:18.080] I can move accordingly. Because I want you to know, and I want the same respect from you. You know when you walk in, I know who you think is bad. I know I'm bad.

— [112:18.080 --> 112:26.200] I know when you look at something. I know my body is T, but I also know I don't have the biggest butt in the room. And you may be a butt man. So if

— [112:26.200 --> 112:34.380] you know that, I shouldn't have to tell you when a woman walks in. You should be able to control your lustful eye. And you should be able to love on me so I also

— [112:34.380 --> 112:42.380] feel empowered with you and by you. That is what a, that's a partnership. And that's how 2 people stay healthy and in love and in liking

— [112:42.380 --> 112:50.380] a relationship because love is not gonna sustain this. I gotta be able to like you, you gotta be able to like me. And guess why we like our friends

— [112:50.380 --> 112:58.380] more than we like our partners sometimes? Because our friends know our insecurities. A real friend gonna tee us up. A real friend gonna be like, nah, dog, you

— [112:58.380 --> 113:06.580] good, you got that. He and she gonna tap into that. But as a couple sometimes, or often times, they

— [113:06.580 --> 113:15.340] miss the mark, miss the mark. So now dudes don't wanna go out with their woman, there is no date night, if there's a certain crowd, it just ends up being this division everywhere. And

— [113:15.340 --> 113:23.420] the real wealth is how much can I empower you? I'm in competition with you to see how much I can build you up. And you see how much you can build me up. And as we

— [113:23.420 --> 113:31.440] building each other, let me tell you what magically happens, it just seem like the bricks keep building this relationship. And all of a sudden now, I ain't worried about how much he

— [113:31.440 --> 113:39.480] make or how much I make. Shit, we in this thing, we wealthy. What are we talking about? Babe, I done booked a trip on November 10th, 7 days,

— [113:39.480 --> 113:47.900] pack up, all right, for sure. He's telling me, baby, after that trip, we going to see moms and we taking them to this, okay, cool, Bet, we good. That is a partnership. This

— [113:47.900 --> 113:55.940] is why when we start talking about how much people gotta make and how much she gotta sleep, relationships, marriage is a service position. How can I

— [113:55.940 --> 114:03.980] serve you? I can see. I can see. Okay, I'm sorry, you know what? Now I'm gonna ask- Yo, you sitting there in amazement. She

— [114:03.980 --> 114:12.080] got this nigga talking. She's spinning your little dusty ass around like that. Oh shit. No she don't. You got the wrong... Are women today...

— [114:12.940 --> 114:21.740] Go to under the record boy. Yes honey. Are women today preparing to be wives or expecting to be chosen? I

— [114:21.740 --> 114:29.740] think both, a little bit of both. But I want to say this though. I think that preparation- Women today, not big mama. Not big mama today. No, but

— [114:29.740 --> 114:37.840] preparation to become a wife takes time. And this is why I say people are choosing too early on. I'm not saying don't get

— [114:37.900 --> 114:46.340] relationship experience. I love what he said. He said he got relationship experience. And he's been with different women, and he's been a cheater his whole life with these women.

— [114:46.480 --> 114:55.140] What he said? I'm sorry. He said he'd been a cheater his whole life. And even that kind of understates it. He low playing it. Yeah.

— [114:55.420 --> 115:03.780] Whatever. He downplaying it. Y'all the nastiest niggas on earth. He kind of undersell it. He downplaying it. Y'all niggas. That nigga is a Superhero nigga. He's like Black Adam. Oh

— [115:03.780 --> 115:12.320] damn. Yeah. He don't play. So let me say this. Whatever he said, my point is that it's important to get relationship experience,

— [115:12.860 --> 115:21.040] but we don't have to make permanent decisions. I don't have to marry you or have a child with you to get relationship experience because healthy relationships take wisdom and tools and it does

— [115:21.040 --> 115:29.160] take experience to gain wisdom. Words don't teach, experience does. So I was engaged and I got relationship experience. So when

— [115:29.160 --> 115:37.340] people ask me, Why do you think that you are an expert to talk to people who are married in relationships? Well, because the only difference between you and me is you made

— [115:37.340 --> 115:45.560] a permanent decision and now you stuck. And now you in my session trying to figure out how to unstick this. I didn't make a permanent decision. I just happened to spend the same amount of time

— [115:45.560 --> 115:53.660] with 2 people and get the experience. And now I have the opportunity to take my experience and choose my husband who I am better for now because of who I've been

— [115:53.660 --> 116:01.920] with. That's it. That's it. What you said, you think it's the same thing? He's definitely said that. That's multiple times

— [116:01.920 --> 116:09.960] he said that. And you niggas sit back. Well, we gonna clown you though. That's peace, that's you. He said that multiple times. We gonna clown you. That's cool. Yeah, you know he going to eat food. That people should take their

— [116:09.960 --> 116:18.040] time. Say no more, you right. That people should take their time. So I just think that men and women, I think they just choosing too early on, or they end up with these broken

— [116:18.040 --> 116:26.580] homes and these baby mamas and baby daddies And then you want to take all of that into your marriage and you want to call that marriage You

— [116:26.580 --> 116:34.580] know that you all are you know anonymous? No, you are polyamorous because now you have multiple families that you're blending into another family.

— [116:34.740 --> 116:42.960] That's what you're doing. Not polygamy. Polygamy is different than polyamorous. 2 different things. Yeah, let's get to the elephant in the room. You

— [116:42.960 --> 116:53.460] have said that men with multiple child moms are selfish, narcissistic, and

— [116:53.460 --> 117:01.500] they are womanizers. You stand with that? Yes, she did say that. Yes, she said that. Pretty offensive to say to.

— [117:01.940 --> 117:10.260] That 1 really struck a chord in here. We grow in a lot of homes. Let's say hypothetically you have a child. And

— [117:10.260 --> 117:18.340] that particular relationship doesn't work. All intents and purposes were good, it just didn't work. So you

— [117:18.340 --> 117:26.460] have 1 child, you leave that said relationship, and 5, 6 years later you find somebody else and you settle in with that person, and y'all have another

— [117:26.460 --> 117:34.700] child. Where's the narcissism in that? First of all, it's not narcissistic to have a child

— [117:35.280 --> 117:43.400] and in the relationship not work. What I said was that men with multiple kids by multiple women and they have

— [117:44.060 --> 117:52.740] yet to marry any of them and create a family is narcissistic, selfish, and they are womanizers and I stand on that and I will double down on that. I was just, I

— [117:52.740 --> 118:00.880] was just going to break it down to all 3 terms. But what I'm saying that still childbearing, creating a child is a

— [118:00.880 --> 118:08.880] decision. We know that, right? Yeah, yes, it's a decision. It may be a mistake, meaning you didn't intend to do it, but

— [118:08.880 --> 118:17.040] it is a decision. But even in what you're saying, because I mean today, it's the woman's decision. It's the woman's decision.

— [118:17.040 --> 118:25.340] It's the woman's decision. It's not a joint decision. I tried to get a nudge and I got a nudge. The man was trying to, his intent was

— [118:25.340 --> 118:33.840] to have sex. Irresponsible sex, I'm taking it. Don't have to be, condoms break. Oh, that's true. It don't have to be irresponsible sex. We could have been responsible. He's

— [118:33.840 --> 118:42.300] right. But I'ma say unprotected sex is irresponsible on behalf of both parties. Because we often hear

— [118:42.480 --> 118:50.780] women say, yo, he got me pregnant. Or he, You know what I'm saying? No, we got pregnant. So I think that the man,

— [118:51.100 --> 118:59.420] and we know, you from where we from, there are a lot of relationships where that nigga was dead set against having

— [118:59.420 --> 119:07.540] that baby. He didn't handle himself, they didn't handle themselves accordingly. But I don't see

— [119:07.540 --> 119:15.560] where that opens up the door for you to say he's not, what's the 3 things? Narcissistic, womanizer, and selfish. And selfish. So A man who

— [119:15.560 --> 119:23.680] creates a child doesn't marry her or create a family. He goes on to create another child. Doesn't marry her, doesn't create a family. He goes on

— [119:23.680 --> 119:31.840] to marry, to create a third child. Doesn't marry her, doesn't create a family. And I'm going to stop at 4. We can stop at 3, okay. He goes on to have a fourth child. Doesn't

— [119:31.840 --> 119:41.020] marry her, doesn't create a family. Listen, that man is creating broken homes and families everywhere

— [119:41.020 --> 119:49.140] as he goes. He is not caring about being in that home. He is not caring about being a father because you have many

— [119:49.140 --> 119:57.760] people and I'm not saying or advocating that you should stay for a child. I'm just speaking reality. You have a lot of people who are staying in relationships because

— [119:57.760 --> 120:05.760] they want to keep their commitment and responsibility as a parent. Now I'm not saying they should, they should do whatever they choose. You're against that though. Right. What? You're

— [120:05.800 --> 120:14.120] against that. Against what? Where somebody just stays in a relationship that- You know, I'm not against that. I'm not against anyone keeping their commitment. I think that is a subjective situation, meaning like

— [120:14.120 --> 120:22.200] people can choose to do what they think is best for their family. But earlier you said. What benefits the family collectively the most. See, when you decide to have

— [120:22.200 --> 120:30.560] a child, you are a collective. You are no longer an individual. So if I am pregnant now and I am not married,

— [120:31.180 --> 120:39.480] I have to make sure I'm thinking for me, myself, and guess who else? That man. Because we are a collective. That don't always happen. No,

— [120:39.480 --> 120:48.100] no, that doesn't always happen. That's ideal, but in the real world, it don't be that. So in the real world, what I'm saying is that when it is not that, and

— [120:48.100 --> 120:56.280] a man is creating broken homes and families. So she's selfish. Yeah, I was about to say, how's the man selfish? Because you said when you are pregnant, the woman is thinking for

— [120:56.280 --> 121:04.320] herself, the child, and that man. Yes, and that man should be thinking collectively as well. But the woman is in control of that said situation in the pregnancy

— [121:04.420 --> 121:13.280] phase, right? Let me finish. So now, if you knew that nigga and me, me and that nigga weren't in no relationship, we was fucking. Yeah.

— [121:13.620 --> 121:21.760] So let's flip it. Now you want, let's talk about the woman's accountability. We can do that too. No, no. That's also what I'm saying. She at that particular juncture is being selfish because you're not saying she's

— [121:21.760 --> 121:29.960] taking into account Community this is your work listen listen you said that without a rubber is irresponsible for both of them Yes, you said rubbers

— [121:29.960 --> 121:38.180] bus. Mm-hmm. They do correct. They do they do. That's what they do. Okay, they do If we know that without a rubber, you can get pregnant,

— [121:38.180 --> 121:46.340] right? If we know that rubber is bussed, you can get pregnant, right? Why you have a casual sex? That means that when I decide to lay in the bed with a man

— [121:46.440 --> 121:54.480] and have sex with a rubber, I know that the probability of me being pregnant is there. So once we end

— [121:54.480 --> 122:02.500] up pregnant, it is our fault that we lay down knowing that sex creates a child. So the man and the woman

— [122:02.500 --> 122:10.700] are accountable. So you hold them equally accountable. Yes, that's why I said child making is a decision. If I decide

— [122:10.760 --> 122:18.880] to make love or have sex or whatever you want to call it with a man, with a contraceptive or not, I understand that that can create a child.

— [122:19.300 --> 122:27.480] I can, we cannot sit there and go, you, you, you, you, no, like we did this. This kind of goes right back to the cheap thing, though. This goes right back to that. Yes, we

— [122:27.480 --> 122:35.660] know it's a possibility, whether it be irresponsible or not, especially if you're using a rubber, you're not thinking it's gonna

— [122:35.660 --> 122:43.780] happen. Probability and possibility are different. Yeah, yeah, it's always a possibility. Well then guess what? That is part of the biggest fucking problem in this fucking community. You get in your car and drive

— [122:43.780 --> 122:52.240] every day, you could get hit by a bus. When are you going to start to think? When do you start to think? Or do you just continue to create this dysfunctional pathology

— [122:53.420 --> 123:01.860] of a totally dysfunctional cultural norm and then say it's nobody's fault, it's everybody's fault, who cares whose fault it is?

— [123:01.860 --> 123:09.960] When are you going to use your brain and think to make a better decision? Because that decision is not working for us as a collective. For example, when I get married, when I get married is when

— [123:09.960 --> 123:18.040] I'm having a child. I'm giving my husband all of my babies. I'm not, listen, If we have 1 child and we married and we happen to not work out,

— [123:18.040 --> 123:26.240] this is my personal opinion. I'm not projecting this on to anybody. After we don't work, guess what? I have no more kids.

— [123:26.280 --> 123:34.460] Or, or, or if you're not married and I want another 1, I would come to you and say, listen. Let's run it back. Let's run it back, baby, because I would only be having a child with you if you had

— [123:34.460 --> 123:42.540] no kids. Okay, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. 1 question. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. That's so what? That's so what? That's

— [123:42.540 --> 123:50.560] not- Because you just said that when a man and a woman lay down, you know that's a possibility, right? Well, duh, yeah. So, now you but you also just said you're not having children until you, it's possible you can

— [123:50.560 --> 123:58.640] get pregnant. Are you abstinent? Not trying to get into your business. No, you can ask me anything. It's possible that you could get pregnant now and you're not married. Hold on, stop.

— [123:58.740 --> 124:06.740] I like this. I like where he's going. This is good. How am I going to get pregnant now if I'm not having casual sex? I just I just asked

— [124:06.740 --> 124:15.480] I said, oh, yeah, so no, I'm not abstinent But I'm not engaging in casual sex meaning I'm not sleeping with nobody How

— [124:15.480 --> 124:23.480] was that not a kind of a great decision-making skills. Listen, listen, and it's also

— [124:23.480 --> 124:31.640] about, this is the issue. Our culture is so emotionally driven. It's such a turn-off. Like a man who got to be in the bed

— [124:31.640 --> 124:39.880] with me, but can't be just in the bed with me, is a turn off. Hold on. Meaning. No, no, no, I'm not making it. No, I'm not making it. I'm gonna let you go back where you are. What I'm

— [124:39.880 --> 124:48.000] saying is, I am choosing, not because of abstinence or celibacy. There's no religious reason. There's no, because I'm not in my 40s and my libido ain't going

— [124:48.000 --> 124:56.180] crazy and my sex drive ain't like a trucker because it is. It's my ability to manage myself and say that the better thing to do as

— [124:56.180 --> 125:04.280] I feel like I want to be intimate, and for me, intimate is not just about having an orgasm. I want a man's touch. I want you laid next to me. I want I like the way it feels when you just inside

— [125:04.280 --> 125:12.440] of me as Minds so it's deeper than just let me come no I want you in me around me on me, but if you're not the man who I know I will

— [125:12.440 --> 125:20.540] procreate with guess what? You're not pro penetrating my body period and men can get to that point of having

— [125:20.540 --> 125:29.000] that type of management over themself. We do not have to be so freaking overly stimulated, overly sexualized. Everything isn't reactive.

— [125:29.420 --> 125:37.460] I'm horny, let me get. Yo, it is not that serious. When you really want a certain quality of life, when you want to be able to be proud about the things you

— [125:37.460 --> 125:45.560] did and you want to stand on good decision making, then you make and do things differently. That is what I stand on for our community. I'm never going back pedal on the fact that

— [125:45.620 --> 125:53.620] if you don't have agency over your sexual appetite and you can't govern yourself as a man, you can't govern shit. So I don't want to be with

— [125:53.620 --> 126:01.920] you. I agree with that. What's the female equivalent to, hold on, hold on. What's the female equivalent to, because you said

— [126:01.920 --> 126:10.020] narcissistic, selfish, and that can be man and woman, right? Womanizer is directly speaking to man. What is the female equivalent

— [126:10.080 --> 126:18.120] to that when it comes to women who have multiple baby daddies? But also, after answering that, do you feel it's a

— [126:18.120 --> 126:26.220] little irresponsible to generalize and keep men who might have done that in the past,

— [126:26.220 --> 126:34.540] who might have went through some level of therapy, who might have went through some level of counseling, and today are now different men, but you would still generalize that as

— [126:34.540 --> 126:42.660] who they are as a person. First question, the term for a woman is a manizer. A manizer. She's a manizer. Okay. She's

— [126:42.660 --> 126:50.740] a manizer. So if I'm gonna get pregnant by all 3 y'all because you have contracts and I'm gonna have investment babies and I know that's just what I want I'm not gonna create a family then she's equally irresponsible She's creating a

— [126:50.740 --> 126:58.940] broken home a broken family She's a manizer and that is very selfish and those are narcissistic characteristics because she's saying I want to have a child

— [126:58.940 --> 127:07.060] with you So that this child can provide for my quality of life. Yeah. Completely out of pocket. That's why. Her and that narcissistic man should just go be

— [127:07.060 --> 127:15.120] together. And just go enjoy each other and do whatever they do. I have a question for you. Well, you should try to get something out of that. Go ahead, Issa. Well, can she answer the second part? Oh, the second 1, which

— [127:15.120 --> 127:23.300] was, what'd you ask me? Oh, When you're categorizing men that have those things a part of their life. Oh, so this is me. I

— [127:23.300 --> 127:32.900] got you. I got you. People don't change. I'm gonna let that sit. I'm gonna, before I continue, people don't change. But that's it with them. I

— [127:32.900 --> 127:40.960] don't agree with that. I don't, I don't, I don't. Good, watch this. We learn to manage ourself. We do not change. We learn to manage ourself.

— [127:41.260 --> 127:50.020] It's a change. Mm-mm, mm-mm. I, when I was, Well, this is good, this is way, When I was 25, I would've acted. No, this is good, no, it's, cause this is good. I see where you're going. The

— [127:50.020 --> 127:58.120] behavior is what you... Like addiction, pretty much. Come on. Thank you, baby. Also, if you're saying that,

— [127:58.120 --> 128:06.240] I agree. You never no longer are an addict. You just learn how to manage that addiction. So you're safe. Actually, actually in AA and

— [128:06.240 --> 128:14.240] NA, guess what they say? That's the first thing they teach you. What do they say? Once an addict, always an addict. And we can't say what they say in an AA. It's an anonymous program. Okay. And

— [128:14.240 --> 128:22.400] we're on a public platform. But we know the 12 step. Okay. We can't do that either, it's anonymous. But we know, we know, we know. Okay, so it is known that, you

— [128:22.400 --> 128:30.540] know, once an addict, always an addict. Hey, I'm Dr. Brian, I'm 20 years sober, and I'm addict, right? I'm not saying that's right or wrong, but I'm just keeping it. The reason why they say that

— [128:30.540 --> 128:38.720] is because that person has learned to manage their appetite. You put them in a certain manipulated environment,

— [128:39.180 --> 128:47.180] it will trigger and flame a past appetite. What I'm saying is that the appetite may not come as frequent. You may think

— [128:47.180 --> 128:55.300] it's gone because it's been 345 years. For some people, 10. But that doesn't mean that if you're not in the right activated environment that our old

— [128:55.300 --> 129:03.400] ways will not start to begin to become. That's why the word is called triggered. And when you're triggered, can you manage so that you don't go and make the

— [129:03.400 --> 129:11.580] same decision you used to make. You relax, that's all I'm saying. So I'm, but I'm not, listen, I'm not, I'm not saying that that particular man who has 4 kids

— [129:11.580 --> 129:19.780] by 4 different women can't learn how to govern himself. And do better. In a way that he then can say I'm a family man

— [129:19.960 --> 129:28.020] but I have to be transparent about some of who I am the inadequacies that come up for me and he can't hide it in tuck it because then that's when it's

— [129:28.020 --> 129:36.300] really gonna persist and show up he got to be real about how I move that's just what it is you know you have dudes who been straight dudes

— [129:36.380 --> 129:44.920] and they they have a different vocabulary. They speak differently, they move differently, but every once in a while, whoever they marry is

— [129:44.920 --> 129:53.000] gonna see a little bit of that street swag or maybe a little bit of that sweet conversation, meaning doesn't mean he's out on the street selling dope still, but that is who that

— [129:53.000 --> 130:01.020] dude is. So there's certain things about him that will show up like the man he's always been. But if you say that about a man in a blanket way, right, The

— [130:01.020 --> 130:09.440] stigma that comes with being called a narcissist, a selfish womanizer, or womanizer, even if he has found a way to not

— [130:09.440 --> 130:17.440] fall into those triggers. Because like you said, yeah, there's always gonna be the triggers there. But if you're a man that has now found the way to kind of control that, but you're still

— [130:17.440 --> 130:25.760] being categorized as a womanizer. Let's just say you're single, let's just say you're dating. I think to be called that or to be labeled that, it doesn't make you appealing

— [130:25.760 --> 130:33.940] or attractive to- No, if a man was sitting here and he said, him and his wife, and they're like, yeah, we've been married 10 years, he's a family man, there's no infidelity, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, you know, yeah,

— [130:33.940 --> 130:41.960] I have 3 kids by 3 different men and he has 4 kids by 4 different women and we're a blended family. You know, it works. But he's, you

— [130:41.960 --> 130:50.060] know, we, we both have been together 10 years and it's, we both have to manage some of the things that come up for us, but you know, we're doing good.

— [130:50.720 --> 130:58.780] What I would say is not you're both womanizer and manizing right now, what I would say is that make sure that you are having a

— [130:58.780 --> 131:06.860] keen awareness of any triggers or anything that can inflame those old behaviors because you are on a good trajectory and in order

— [131:06.860 --> 131:15.000] for you to stay you cannot forget what triggered you to begin with. Your natural nature. To begin with, like me, right? I'm not going to, perfect

— [131:15.000 --> 131:23.640] example, I have a, you know, I had a guy kept, he wants to go on vacation, he wants to take a vacation, he wants to take a vacation. Well,

— [131:24.240 --> 131:32.620] now he's good looking, he does well, he has no kids, he fits the type of man I like, I'm not going on vacation.

— [131:32.620 --> 131:40.860] He's actively playing? Shut up. Just on the max. Just on the max. Just on the max. Just on the max. All up, bro.

— [131:41.600 --> 131:50.140] But what I'm saying is he's been wanting to go on vacation, right? He wants to go to Mykonos. He's all these, wherever I want to go. Well, I don't want to go on vacation. And

— [131:50.140 --> 131:58.420] everybody, not y'all, because we've already talked about it, my guy friends, my girlfriends are like, because a couple things. 1, I'm not into casual sex.

— [131:59.100 --> 132:07.740] 2, if I go on a vacation, then I'm gonna, I know that I want to be able to be free in my sexuality with you on

— [132:08.000 --> 132:16.220] vacation. I'm trying to go all balls out. So why would I go on vacation with you knowing

— [132:16.220 --> 132:24.300] that I'm gonna have to manage myself all 9 days and there's a high percentage. God damn girl, 9. That's

— [132:24.300 --> 132:32.300] a long time. But there's a high, even if it was 4 days, but there's a high percentage that I'm human, I could fall short. Yeah, okay. So you're not even allowing yourself to get put

— [132:32.300 --> 132:42.220] into that make sense Prevention is better than the cure of a vacation. I'm not doing that prevention is better. You're for your continue. I have a question So

— [132:42.820 --> 132:51.100] you don't like casual sex me either girl you don't like it either no But you're sleeping with someone that you're totally

— [132:51.100 --> 132:59.240] comfortable having a child with, but you're not totally comfortable being with? I'm not sleeping with anybody. You just said you are. Well, I just asked if you were abstinent. No,

— [132:59.240 --> 133:07.240] no, no. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I'm saying I'm not abstinent. You say I'm not abstinent,

— [133:07.400 --> 133:15.720] but- No, meaning, abstinent meaning I'm not making the conscious decision to say it's no sex until this. Until that. No, It's just,

— [133:15.720 --> 133:24.560] it's just, I'm not doing it carefully. So you could you be with a man, last 1. Could you be with a man that saved himself a marriage? Yeah,

— [133:24.560 --> 133:32.660] I could. Cause I heard you on Justin's shit, you was talking all this nympho shit. You could be with a man, You could be in a relationship and get married to

— [133:32.660 --> 133:41.280] a man prior to having sex with him. She was going crazy there? Yeah, I could. She said she enjoyed it. Just from a realistic standpoint, so what happens if he does

— [133:41.280 --> 133:49.320] all of these great things, to where you find like I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him, And then when you guys get down to having sex, because you said you're a

— [133:49.320 --> 133:57.700] high perception, he can't kiss, he got a 2 inch dick, whatever the case may be, what happens then? And be honest, like what happens? Cause I hear girls

— [133:57.700 --> 134:06.040] like us up here, we got mad platonic female friends, so I think we may be more in tune than most men. I don't have that. I don't have that.

— [134:06.180 --> 134:14.320] I do that. I do that. Don't put that on the list. But I understand where it's going. I don't. I do. Don't put that on the list. I'm doing that, bro.

— [134:14.380 --> 134:24.680] I knew he was going to do that, though. So what happens if he got a 2 inch dick? Cause I know girls that'll be like. Yo, guys. What

— [134:24.680 --> 134:32.780] if he's not getting that? No way. What happens if he got a 2 inch dick? It's horrible. Cause girls who say, yo, Dog, you can't have, they say that, yo, somebody could

— [134:32.780 --> 134:41.060] not know how to have sex and you could work on making their sex better. But if somebody's dick is too small, it just not gonna work. I've heard a bunch of women

— [134:41.060 --> 134:49.100] say that. So I say to you, what happens in that instance? Well, a couple of things. You can see someone's dick size without having sex with them. So you don't

— [134:49.100 --> 135:00.720] have to wait for marriage to see his dick size. He can eat in the bathroom. There's a lot of different things, right? But you can see that. But I

— [135:00.720 --> 135:09.440] am the big remote. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. That's his move. Ish. That

— [135:09.440 --> 135:17.600] nigga's, Yo cream and cream is wild and they're gonna put that cream Miracle whip. I knew that when he wore

— [135:17.600 --> 135:25.960] the gray cashmere. Yeah, he wore it. Like, oh shit, that's my strip club outfit. Yeah. That's exactly what I go to strip club with, on rock.

— [135:26.380 --> 135:34.580] Yo, you nothing in the cashmere. Don't put on that gray outfit. I'm not nothing. Don't you do it. But my thing is, I am emotionally sexually

— [135:34.580 --> 135:42.640] driven. Hold on, no, listen, I'm trying to tell you, this is why I don't like casual sex. There's a- She trying to teach you, nigga. The reason why I don't like casual sex is

— [135:42.640 --> 135:51.400] because I like to be slutted out by my man, by my husband. E, come back. I can't. E,

— [135:51.400 --> 135:59.760] you missing it. I ain't going home. Hey, budgie. It's your back, boy. It's your back, boy. Slut it out. Keep going. And

— [135:59.760 --> 136:07.880] I'm not able to do that casually because there's not a connection, there's no fusing, and there's no emotional type of simulation for

— [136:07.880 --> 136:16.720] me. So once I know that we are locked in and I'm yours and it's more of a very passionate, connection-thriving

— [136:17.800 --> 136:25.880] type of environment when we are being intimate, everything else is a second orgasm for me. So the fact that

— [136:26.240 --> 136:34.320] we are not casual, that I am yours, that you can say this is my shit and really mean it in the bedroom, not casually because it's good sex talk, that turns

— [136:34.320 --> 136:42.440] me on. And let me say something on. You don't know that yet. Hold on, I don't know what. You don't know that yet because we said post-marriage. So you don't know if he's gonna

— [136:42.440 --> 136:50.580] match your sexual energy. Niggas talk a lot of shit, women talk a lot of shit, wants to get down to get down. She might be trash He may be trash and

— [136:50.580 --> 136:58.620] just spitting that shit. What happens post marriage? My experience of a man pre marriage with no

— [136:58.620 --> 137:06.660] sex who is in his masculine Who was telling me you mines this my shit, right? This is me. Baby, have

— [137:06.660 --> 137:14.680] you ate? Baby, what do you need? I'm on my way. Did you make it home? Open up my car door. Babe, I was thinking about doing X, Y, and

— [137:14.680 --> 137:22.860] Z. What is your thoughts on that? A man who's transparent, a man who I have full access to, that for me is a turn on. I want to make love to that

— [137:22.860 --> 137:31.220] man. So by time all of that happens and you are penetrating my body, it is not gonna be hard for me to orgasm with you mentally

— [137:31.220 --> 137:39.360] and emotionally. See people are so again to your point our culture is so caught up on this physical orgasm and that's why

— [137:39.360 --> 137:47.540] they having such horrible fucking sex because if the sex wasn't if the sex wasn't so horrible then how come sex relationships are only lasting

— [137:47.540 --> 137:55.560] 2 weeks to a month. Ain't nobody leaving nobody whose sex is fire. It's because there's an extreme disconnect between us and having sex. So I

— [137:55.560 --> 138:04.120] don't need you to make me cum. I can do that to my body. What I need you to do is emotionally and mentally and spiritually stimulate

— [138:04.180 --> 138:12.380] me and have me having an orgasm before you even touch my body. Because people are mentally connected to sex. But now we're having ecstasy.

— [138:13.780 --> 138:21.840] Now we're having ecstasy. That's a whole different ball game. A lot of these people are having this real amateur sex And that's why I can I could stay out of casual sex because

— [138:21.840 --> 138:30.040] casual sex be extremely boring is whack Got you half the time you don't even orgasm Half the time this shit is transactional sex today

— [138:30.040 --> 138:38.200] So we're and we say this real word and that takes all that takes a lot of it period Yeah, and let me say this now? I want to tag you in Transactional sex

— [138:38.420 --> 138:47.000] And these men are running around here thinking that these women are not faking these transactional orgasms. Y'all are fools. Because most women do not orgasm transactional.

— [138:47.160 --> 138:55.300] It just doesn't happen. Most women need foreplay before the foreplay. So by the time you touch my body, what happens is sex. These niggas don't care. They don't give a fuck.

— [138:55.300 --> 139:03.460] You faked yourself. No, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Pay the lead. I paid. Pay the lead. That's fine. What you're saying

— [139:03.460 --> 139:11.600] is that to you discipline is more attractive than desire. That's sexy to me. That is so

— [139:11.600 --> 139:19.620] sexy to me. I was dating a man for a while, shut up. I didn't say nothing. Hear that E? That's all it was. Don't do that, don't put me

— [139:19.620 --> 139:27.740] in the shit. That's all it was. I'm just saying, do you understand? I don't need to hear it. I'm not, because if you keep playing, E, leave me alone. Listen, look at me.

— [139:27.740 --> 139:35.920] E, look at me. I'm not saying this. Leave me be. Do you understand that discipline? I don't need you to point me out. I understand everything. I might understand it better

— [139:35.920 --> 139:44.340] than most niggas. You do, you do. Yeah. I realize that you watch niggas' content, and you come in regurgitated. And when I say this shit first, and you joke me out the room,

— [139:44.340 --> 139:52.560] and then we hear someone else say it. Now it's come. This is not the first time I'm saying it though. I've never heard her say anything like that. So who you watch? Who you watch? You know what's so funny?

— [139:53.100 --> 140:01.100] Yo, Doc. If, all right. Let me check. Doc, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. That's that lack of discipline. Stir it up. That's that

— [140:01.100 --> 140:09.140] lack of discipline. That's that lack of discipline. Go ahead. That's that masculine. Go for it. Let me see. No, no, no. See, he fucked it up. Look, the hater over there fucked it up. No, but yes, discipline is. I was just

— [140:09.140 --> 140:17.360] saying that I've I've dated a man that you know I've been dating and we was dating for a few months And I'll be traveling asleep spend the night and doing

— [140:17.360 --> 140:25.800] whatever But his discipline to sleep without having to just jump my bones is what made me feel like,

— [140:26.080 --> 140:34.120] damn. Like, I want you. I want you. No, no, we will throw our pheromones at you. Like I'm talking about like

— [140:34.120 --> 140:42.280] on a picture mount throw strikes at you. And then that's really when you want it. It's like, I mean, unless you just like y'all said, don't care about the woman being pleased. You want

— [140:42.280 --> 140:50.460] casual sex and do your thing. But I'm saying a good experience. That's 1 of your moves. That's 1 of your moves. You took his filthy shit. Yo, you just throwin' niggas in the wall. That's 1 of my moves.

— [140:50.460 --> 140:59.220] This is a nasty part. This is a nasty, nasty second out. Yo, you're the nigga that been my friend for 20 years. Last

— [140:59.220 --> 141:07.800] of the most eagest nigga. That's so goofy, bro. That's 1 of your moves. Oh, don't look down. It's not his move, boy. That

— [141:07.800 --> 141:15.880] is 1 of his moves. At this point, it's going to be all y'all moves, because I just gave you some games. Lay in the bed. You did not do

— [141:15.880 --> 141:23.883] it. You see that shit all the way. You ain't laying in no bed with nobody not trying to do something. You ain't laying in the bed not trying. I slept in a bed ass naked with girls and didn't

— [141:23.883 --> 141:31.920] touch them. You didn't want to. That's not true. Doc, we more strategic than

— [141:31.920 --> 141:40.440] that. Yeah, but that's not that. Niggas 40 plus. These 2 niggas, Kree McQueen, Miracle Whips, they're niggas. They're

— [141:40.440 --> 141:48.840] niggas strategic. They're not just giving up like that. He prides himself in it. They do it for a couple nights, they're not doing it for months. I've done it for months.

— [141:48.840 --> 141:57.040] That's too much of a investment. Oh no, I know. I've done it for months. At least he's honest. He said he doesn't do it for months. I like the idea about it. She ain't gonna let me do it for months. I'm not gonna let her be in my bed for months. She's

— [141:57.040 --> 142:05.180] not gonna let you do it for months. She's not gonna let you do it for months. She's not gonna let you be in my bed for months. Let me tell you this, my nigga. First of all, contingent upon how you go to bed, you playing games

— [142:05.180 --> 142:13.300] if you getting in my bed or your bed and you wearing certain shit knowing that it's sensual and sexual, now

— [142:13.300 --> 142:21.320] you playing a game that I don't really wanna play. I agree, I agree, and to your point. If you come to bed with sweatpants on with your motherfucking Boy Scout knot?

— [142:21.380 --> 142:29.740] You can get in bed with a clown outfit on, bitch. When I'm ready to fuck, you can get fucked. Smacking! Fuck all this other shit. Fuck you talking about. With the nose on. That's a make-up.

— [142:30.280 --> 142:38.400] Homie, the clown's coming out. Homie, what's up? Homie, don't play. AYE. Doink the clown in the building. We wringling

— [142:38.400 --> 142:46.660] brothers in here. What the fuck you talking about? Don't play. Homie, don't play that. Homie, don't play that. Yeah, we're playing. You know what? I agree with that because when

— [142:47.440 --> 142:55.440] I wasn't ready. What'd you say? What'd you say? What'd you say? Say it louder. What'd you say? What'd you say? He said fast service I think

— [142:55.440 --> 143:03.520] fast service circus circus I agree though I would get in bed with my leggings and a sports bra and I wasn't in

— [143:03.520 --> 143:11.680] nothing too sexy. And that's what I, until I was ready, then I would get in nude and that's when you know. But I agree, yeah. Leggings and sports bra. Leggings

— [143:11.680 --> 143:19.780] and sports bra is better than lingerie. That's lingerie. What are you talking about? No, speak. Yo dog, boy shorts and a tank top. You talking about the Amazon shit, the thin shit?

— [143:19.780 --> 143:28.260] No, nigga. Boy shorts and the tank top is better than lingerie. It's lingerie. Boy shorts and tank top getting it done.

— [143:28.280 --> 143:36.500] What? Girl put that right on the top. I don't even want that lace shit. That lace shit is ass. Get that shit out of here. Get out of here. Just slip it up on the right hand top,

— [143:36.500 --> 143:44.760] girl. We took that like a tank top. That's like a, that's a nigga tank top, girl. Let me just move this to the side, girl. Like high school, like high school.

— [143:44.760 --> 143:52.780] Like high school. What? Oh, shit. See? You got to have discipline. She's not a lingerie girl. No, I love lingerie. Oh, you end up, all

— [143:52.780 --> 144:01.260] right, got it, got it. But if I get in with legs and a sports bra, it ain't lingerie, that means. She's saying that she's not a lingerie. That's not it. But the men in the room are telling you that's lingerie. That is lingerie

— [144:01.640 --> 144:09.880] to niggas. Snowsuit. That's boon time. What? That's boon time. That's safe. What? Snowsuit would be safe. Snowsuit safe.

— [144:09.920 --> 144:17.920] That's safe. Yeah. Like Kenny from South Park. But you saying when you wear that, you're letting it be known, I'm not ready to move to that point. Because I'm not trying to play

— [144:17.920 --> 144:27.560] games with you and turn you on just for me to say no, no, no, I'm not. You understand, like, you hear what I'm saying? You hear what I'm saying? It's 12345678

— [144:27.560 --> 144:35.700] dudes in here, when you come to bed with the tights on, pretty feet, tank top, you're not giving the message you think you're not sending the message you think you send

— [144:36.180 --> 144:47.440] in the other message that nigga radar is like discipline

— [144:47.440 --> 144:55.680] if she's saying no he respected it every time every time and Until I got in the bed different. And then at that point. He went crazy.

— [144:55.800 --> 145:04.240] Because you're not saying that you don't desire. If I tell you what he said, y'all gonna be like, ow, doc. What'd he say? No, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What'd he say?

— [145:04.240 --> 145:12.540] I got in the bed, nude, and I went to pursue, I started kissing him. You initiated? I initiated, yeah.

— [145:12.540 --> 145:20.660] Because duh, right? It had been 2 months and he been respected, so we gotta know what's going on. He was submissive. No, we started kissing and he stopped and he said.

— [145:20.660 --> 145:28.780] Not tonight. I finally get to have you. You sure you want to do this? Come on, my period. What did he say? What did he say? What's this nigga

— [145:28.780 --> 145:37.120] say? He said, let's pray. I'm not out of here. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, look. If

— [145:37.120 --> 145:45.640] I find out you went to DJ's party. Yo, yo. Yo, she got a That

— [145:45.640 --> 145:53.660] nigga That nigga killed your whole stiffy. Your stiffy was done. You was done. You was off of it. Hey, I was so done. What? Hey, I was so

— [145:53.660 --> 146:01.920] done. Why you bring God into this right now? Like. Hey, do man, I mean history mentioned every thought of a boy.

— [146:02.080 --> 146:10.920] Oh, no. Unless he said grace. No. He said, let's pray. And then the further conversation was, if

— [146:10.920 --> 146:18.960] I'm not willing to marry him, then he don't want to be intimate with me, because he was ready to be married. And you guys were dating for 2 months. I mean, I can understand.

— [146:18.960 --> 146:27.100] I'm ready to go. No, no. Did you hear the second part? Did you hear the second part? No, I didn't. I'm walking outside. No, look. Tell them the second part.

— [146:27.100 --> 146:35.220] No, so, and then the further conversation went that, you know, if he can't marry me, he does not want to be into me with me. He was ready to get married. Yo, what's that nigga name? Get that nigga, block that

— [146:35.220 --> 146:43.540] nigga. Okay, so hold on. No, hold on, hold on, let me say this. Block him, block him right now. I'm not going to name drop, but if you- No, no, please don't. I wouldn't. But if you knew his name, you would,

— [146:43.780 --> 146:51.780] 1, understand, but 2, be like, oh damn, because he's not no regular moji-joji, not like that I'm just saying. So

— [146:52.120 --> 147:00.300] he was ready to get married. Did that make him a pastor? No, not a pastor. In that moment when he said the prayer shit, I can understand you now being turned off, maybe. TDJs. Hold

— [147:00.300 --> 147:08.380] on, hold on. I can see you being turned off at that moment, right? But if you're really into discipline. If you're really into discipline. I wasn't turned off. I was actually turned on more. Because

— [147:08.380 --> 147:16.560] it's more discipline. I was like, oh my God. OK. OK. So why you didn't marry him? I don't think I've ever been horny and pretty. So why you didn't marry him? He has kids. You didn't

— [147:16.560 --> 147:24.640] marry him because he has children? He has children. Yeah, he has beautiful kids, yeah. So you won't marry somebody with children? No. But you would have a

— [147:24.640 --> 147:32.760] kid with them? No. Yeah. You would have a kid with them. Yes, you would. Because you considered that possibly happening the moment you decided you were ready to have sex with them,

— [147:32.760 --> 147:40.940] like you said earlier. No, but what I say earlier as well is that if I put myself in a certain situation and I don't make a good decision

— [147:40.940 --> 147:49.020] to not be in that situation I am human. I can also be influenced, right, against something that I'm saying I don't want to do.

— [147:49.160 --> 147:57.320] So that goes to my point of saying this guy had kids. Explain I will date but not marry a man with kids. As we

— [147:57.320 --> 148:05.460] are dating, I'm okay in my no casual sex, leggings and tank top. Hold on. Me doing

— [148:05.460 --> 148:13.720] that too much, ended up being something that turned me on. Back to the environment. It was my fault, my responsibility, to pull back and have self-management

— [148:14.120 --> 148:22.140] before that night even took place. But you didn't. But I didn't. But hold on. Okay. This is good. I want to stay there. And I didn't. But this is why I always talk about my

— [148:22.140 --> 148:30.560] God. Because see, God knows my prayer and my heart and what I want. So in that moment, I know y'all laughing at this whole let me pray thing for him. For me, in my experience,

— [148:30.940 --> 148:40.940] that was a straight divine intervention of God being like, nah, because if I say, I'm not going to say if you knew who it was, you'd be like, that's

— [148:40.940 --> 148:49.220] wild. So what I'm trying to say is that was just me literally being saved by the bell and saved by that man saying no because to your point

— [148:49.260 --> 148:57.260] no I had no business being intimate with this man. It should sit your ass down. So you never had sex? No, no, no, no. He stopped it. He stopped

— [148:57.260 --> 149:05.560] it. And what I'm saying is but that worked in my favor because this is not a man who... But you was willing to get... I see what you're saying. You went against your natural...

— [149:05.560 --> 149:13.780] You went against what you... You went against what you speak about doing for yourself. What I did... No, what I did was

— [149:13.780 --> 149:21.960] I am showing you an example by just being transparent of what I said about earlier. What I said was we're human, we don't change,

— [149:22.060 --> 149:30.080] we manage ourselves. If we do not make sure we're not in environments that will change us because our environment will influence us before we influence

— [149:30.080 --> 149:38.180] it. It'll change us before we change it. So if we make sure, like I did not make sure, I'm taking accountability, saying I did not make sure in that moment, this was years ago, in

— [149:38.180 --> 149:46.320] that moment, I did not make sure that hold on, this is a man who you're attracted to, this is a man who you know you don't wanna marry, this is a man who y'all have good companionship and

— [149:46.320 --> 149:54.440] spend a lot of time together and you in this bed and legs in a tank top. How long were y'all together? Well like dating, not together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was

— [149:54.440 --> 150:02.460] that 2 months? No, a few months. Yeah, I got just 1 here now. A few months, a few months. So what

— [150:02.460 --> 150:10.760] I'm saying is it went from, and then we were long distance. So that plays a role. We're not together. Right, so I'm flying in, I'm traveling the road,

— [150:10.760 --> 150:18.940] I'm filming my talk show, I'm doing all of my tour, blah, blah, blah, and you know, he's doing his thing as well. So my point of saying is, that is a perfect example of

— [150:20.080 --> 150:28.220] if we are in the right environment that triggers inflame something in us and we don't have the ability to manage in that moment no

— [150:28.220 --> 150:36.300] matter how long you've been doing things, no matter how long you think things are going good. Relapse. Baby, relapse. I just happened to be literally saved, I'm

— [150:36.300 --> 150:44.380] telling you right now by God, by the bell because that was the intervention of like, now let's pray. So I was turned on but then after that when I kept my flight home, I started

— [150:44.380 --> 150:52.500] to pray. I said, you know what? Good luck. Thank you. Come on now. I said thank you. You look me out. Straight up. This is a, I'm talking, it may be fun to y'all but that's a real

— [150:52.500 --> 151:00.520] story. I was like yo. Thank you because. If you do that way I get it. So after y'all prayed, after y'all prayed, y'all said.

— [151:01.880 --> 151:10.120] We prayed whatever we prayed and would sleep now if I pray with you you better watch me manage myself no you

— [151:10.120 --> 151:18.300] know what you was gonna get amen what this was his

— [151:18.300 --> 151:26.580] thing and you know that's fire ultimately I respect it because I feel like, first of all, he was a man of age. He's retired at what he does, so he's not

— [151:26.580 --> 151:34.580] some 40-year-old man trying to manage himself. He's been around the block, done his thing, so he is genuinely ready to be married. And he is a man who's into scripture and

— [151:34.580 --> 151:42.600] into God at that juncture of his life. To your point, wasn't always into that. He's there now. And so this is a man who says, I want to be married. He

— [151:42.600 --> 151:50.640] equally is saying, I don't want casualty either. I want a wife. And in order for me to obtain that I know I have to do things differently

— [151:50.640 --> 151:58.860] and I happen to be the person he wants to do things differently with because he wanted a wife with me And so I you know as much

— [151:58.860 --> 152:07.160] as 1 I'm happy that God, you know intervene because I I was going to make a decision that was against what I really know I didn't

— [152:07.160 --> 152:15.260] want. I wasn't able to manage myself in that moment. Can I ask another question? Of course. You knew there was no chance you would marry this dude, right? He had

— [152:15.260 --> 152:23.680] children, she said. Yeah, because he had children. But you were willing to compromise. No, not even that. Hold on, let me get my question out. You was, Doc. Compromise, I don't know what you're gonna say. Compromise what?

— [152:23.680 --> 152:31.880] You were willing to kind of like, I won't say lead him on, but you knew this what he wanted, and you said he wanted a wife with you. But you knew

— [152:31.880 --> 152:39.980] there was no chance you would marry him. Let's go backwards he knew that I didn't that I wouldn't marry a man with kids he knew that so there was no leading on he

— [152:39.980 --> 152:48.260] knew that. Does he have multiple baby mothers? So why would you lay in bed with him? Yeah. But that doesn't matter it doesn't matter It doesn't

— [152:48.260 --> 152:56.400] matter if he had 1. I see what you're going with. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, cause he go, okay, go ahead. Cause he going somewhere. I was just wondering how y'all end up in bed together, even in that space.

— [152:57.120 --> 153:05.220] Cause I'm at his house. I'm spending the night. We're long distance. I'm flying in. Why you spending the night and flying in if you know this is not a relationship that you would pursue

— [153:05.220 --> 153:13.520] to that level? I love that. You know why? Because I was transparent from the beginning and said that I don't mind spending time in dating but I don't date men with kids.

— [153:13.520 --> 153:21.600] After that, that is your decision to choose whether or not you believe you can change my mind or not. A lot of men think that. That's not my

— [153:21.600 --> 153:29.680] fault. Both sides. Both sides. But that's not me, women too. But we're talking about this situation right now. But we're talking about this situation. Women do too. Women do. I think women

— [153:29.680 --> 153:37.880] do it more. Let's not get on that subject. But what I'm saying is if I sit with you and tell you This is what I want But

— [153:37.880 --> 153:46.000] I am I like your your your your company. I like your companionship. I'm on the road You're doing you you are pursuing me in a way that

— [153:46.000 --> 153:54.360] I didn't you're pursuing me in ways that I like, I see fit, I'm honest with you, that's what adulting is about. Adulting is about being honest. You then have the agency

— [153:54.360 --> 154:02.400] to make your own decision whether you want to deal with me or not. Just like I could have said, I don't even want to travel or spend time with you because you have kids. That wasn't what I wanted. I enjoyed his

— [154:02.400 --> 154:10.840] company. I enjoyed his friendship. I enjoyed his intellect and I enjoy spending time with him. But why let a person lie to themselves though? But

— [154:10.840 --> 154:18.980] you said you laid in a bed until you didn't lay in a bed with whatever you had on. Yes, but hold on, But I didn't go spending time, like I said earlier to you,

— [154:18.980 --> 154:27.200] and saying I'm gonna get in this bed with lingerie or naked and try to run these. So I wasn't trying to manipulate or lead

— [154:27.200 --> 154:35.480] him on. It wasn't that. I'm not saying that. At any point. At any point. Let me go further. He also understood that I'm not into casual sex. Mm-hmm. So it wasn't

— [154:35.480 --> 154:43.860] like we were sitting there saying, oh, she's coming out of town, I'm coming out of town and we're doing this manipulat-ting. It was a very transparent, honest relationship.

— [154:44.100 --> 154:52.100] How is it not casual sex? Well, we didn't have sex, baby. You were about to. So let me say this. The

— [154:52.100 --> 155:00.200] intention was never for me from the beginning, y'all keep track, okay? It was never from the beginning for me to fly out of town

— [155:00.440 --> 155:08.780] on a booty call. It was never, my intention was never, I'm flying to you so we can have sex. I'm flying to you

— [155:08.780 --> 155:16.920] so that we can get married. It was strictly, I don't mind. To waste time. No, it's not wasting time. No, that's my friend. I enjoy his company.

— [155:16.920 --> 155:24.940] I enjoy his conversation. You guys were attracted to each other, right? You've already stated that from the jump,

— [155:25.380 --> 155:33.400] a guy with multiple kids is not an option for you. For marriage. For marriage, right? Yes. She wants

— [155:33.400 --> 155:41.560] spoon with a nigga with some kids. No, but she's also saying, I don't want casual sex. She also says she don't want casual sex. That falls into something casual if you're not

— [155:41.560 --> 155:49.740] looking to actually get to the end goal. If we have sex, it falls into something casual. But sex was not an intention, I'm saying from the beginning. But go

— [155:49.740 --> 155:58.200] for it. You do it. You do it. So when you say, Why you couldn't do it? You deliver good. It's cool. When you say, I don't want to have sex casually,

— [155:58.900 --> 156:07.080] and I also know that this is somebody that I'm not going to marry. When you took a shower and got out the shower and got in a bed with the man with

— [156:07.080 --> 156:15.420] no clothes on. That's not what I was gonna do. Listen, when you got out the shower and you got in a bed with no clothes on. But I already explained that, Ish. Yeah,

— [156:15.420 --> 156:23.620] yeah. Explain that, baby. That's not where I'm going. Let me get where he was going. I'm asking the question. All of those other reservations, fuck Lee and him more,

— [156:23.620 --> 156:32.300] fuck all the other stuff that all went out the window once you got in the bed with no clothes on. That was a conscious decision. But we explain that. That happened months after. And

— [156:32.300 --> 156:40.380] this is why I said, this situation proves my point that I said earlier. That people don't change, we manage ourself. I

— [156:40.380 --> 156:48.420] was having a weak moment in managing myself. I transparently said that. That happens to all of us. And the reason why I'm sharing this story is because I

— [156:48.420 --> 156:56.740] am not exempt from that. I'm not no too good. I don't care how long I've been in my field. I don't care how many good decisions I've made. I am also not

— [156:56.740 --> 157:04.760] exempt from being influenced. Like how many times a month? Against my will. How many times a month you think? What? You think the weakness. How many times a month you think the

— [157:04.760 --> 157:13.660] weakness? How many times a month you think you're not strong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go ahead. So what I'm saying is that

— [157:13.660 --> 157:21.660] my intention wasn't, I'm gonna have casual sex with this guy. My intention wasn't I'm coming to marry you. My intention was you're pursuing me, we talk, we spend time.

— [157:21.820 --> 157:30.000] We both love it here. We both love it here. I understand that you're ready to be married. You understand that I'm not into casual sex. You understand that I don't have an interest

— [157:30.000 --> 157:38.140] in marrying a man with kids. That doesn't mean that we cannot be friends, we can't spend time, we cannot do what we wanna do as adults, because

— [157:38.140 --> 157:46.240] we're clear on the intention and the boundary. Neither 1 of us was leading on. Now, do I think he might've thought he can change my mind? Absolutely. And that's

— [157:46.240 --> 157:54.540] what I was getting to that part. And if you realize that that's a game that somebody else is playing, that, oh, they think they could change my mind, then I don't think

— [157:54.540 --> 158:02.860] it was a game. Wrong word. But if you realize that person might be thinking that, hey, they think they could change my mind, and you know your mind can't be changed

— [158:03.080 --> 158:11.380] at that point after that. Yes. At that point you're wasting their time. Literally. Because he's putting his time and effort in thinking he's

— [158:11.380 --> 158:19.840] going to change your mind. And you peeped it. But that's, no, no. But That is your responsibility. So now this is- This is good, that's your

— [158:20.020 --> 158:28.220] responsibility. So how am I supposed to gauge and tell you when it's time for you to stop wanting to spend time with me

— [158:28.220 --> 158:36.460] because you haven't got what you wanted, which was me to marry you. Yeah, but if you know a person's true intention, if you know it, I'm not speaking

— [158:36.460 --> 158:44.580] of, oh, maybe, maybe not. This is like, okay, this is like you and I going to lunch, having good conversation. Your wife's counsel for me, your advice

— [158:44.580 --> 158:52.960] just works. I give it to you, we doing our thing. And I know you're attracted to me and wanna have sex with me. You share that. And I said, never.

— [158:53.180 --> 159:01.460] You're my boy, you're my friend, I don't cross that line, I don't do it casually, it ain't gonna happen. And you table it. We table it. But you still feel it the same way. So I'm

— [159:01.460 --> 159:09.760] supposed to end this friendship because I know that you wanna sleep with me and at some point you hope and wish that someday I'm gonna go on and give it up to you. I'm

— [159:09.760 --> 159:17.860] not leading you on. If the person is moving like they're trying to change your mind and you know that, then yeah. Or yes, because

— [159:17.860 --> 159:26.020] you're literally letting them waste their time. What part of that are y'all missing from the guy? Yeah, like I think we trivializing it. I want to ask. I think I've explained it, but I want

— [159:26.020 --> 159:34.180] to know what, because I, did I not explain it in a way where it's clear? It's Very clear. No, not like that, because I don't want to like, I'm not trying to be rude.

— [159:34.180 --> 159:42.320] He says, usually when a woman says she doesn't see a guy like that, she still accepts certain things knowing that he's trying to pursue her. That's what he's saying.

— [159:42.320 --> 159:50.380] Like she's still, we can have a friendship, but if you know I'm trying to pursue you. But let me say this, It's not like he got down on 1 knee and said, will you marry me? And I said yes and took a ring. No, but I

— [159:50.380 --> 159:58.500] understand what Free saying is, but I understand what you're saying. But think about it, right? It's again, it's not like, it's not like he's on 1 knee saying, will you marry me? And I say yes

— [159:58.500 --> 160:07.400] to a ring and then I take the ring and say, I'm about to go sell it. Thank you. Good day. No, this was strict. I'm an attractive woman. If

— [160:07.400 --> 160:15.520] I, I gotta be completely brainless to think that my male platonic guy friends don't either wanna sleep with me or marry me or something in

— [160:15.520 --> 160:23.560] between. Not all, but majority, or maybe even all. So what I'm saying is that I'm not ending friendships because I know you waiting for that 1 vulnerable night

— [160:23.620 --> 160:31.640] for me to go on and give it to you the way you want it. No, like we grown, this is a relationship. I would agree with that. I'm spending time with you, I'm not leading you on, I'm not getting in your bed

— [160:31.640 --> 160:39.640] with lingerie. I'm not doing those things. But at the same time, is he facilitating and showing up in a

— [160:39.640 --> 160:47.720] way that was respectful and that I liked? Yes. Did he get on 1 knee? No. But he did state he's ready to get married. How

— [160:47.720 --> 160:56.160] many men are you sharing your location with currently? 3. My brother, my cousin, and my other cousin. And daddy? Oh.

— [160:56.200 --> 161:04.500] All men. So no romantic interest? No, but I would if they wanted. Nobody's dating, all right. Yeah, I would do that easily. I know, cause you're into the

— [161:05.340 --> 161:13.680] access, full transparency, all of that. Can you speak to, speak about that.

— [161:13.680 --> 161:21.780] I heard you talking about, If you're with somebody, you need all passwords to everything. So yes, if we are

— [161:21.840 --> 161:29.840] together, locked in in a relationship, yes. If we just hanging out, going to lunch, talking and figuring out if we want to

— [161:29.840 --> 161:38.080] date each other and we are not intimate, I don't care about any of them numbers. But if we're gonna be locked in, listen you're not penetrating

— [161:38.200 --> 161:46.240] my body without penetrating my mind, my heart and access to a safe environment, period. It's not about you screwing a woman in

— [161:46.240 --> 161:54.400] that phone. Listen, my body and my health is a priority. Do you think there is a do you think there's ever a healthy way

— [161:54.400 --> 162:02.780] to do friends with benefits? I think anything that 2 adults agree to and collectively are

— [162:02.780 --> 162:10.840] both okay and happy in doing that, I think that that is healthy. Yeah, I think that we don't have the permission to project onto people what their

— [162:10.840 --> 162:18.960] agreed upon relationship should be, I think that's not our, I think that's objective. That's fine. Do you think that it is fucked up

— [162:18.960 --> 162:27.420] when men say every woman needs to go through a whole phase? No, because I don't think it's messed up, but I don't agree with that at all.

— [162:27.760 --> 162:35.820] Go through a whole phase for what? So that she is sexually more experienced for you in the bed? Like that's superficial as fuck. No, no. For what? For what? But a whole phase is a woman

— [162:35.820 --> 162:44.040] who's just having sex with a lot of men. It don't have to be just men, but it just means having a lot of sex. Okay, well men, women, whatever, but she's having a lot of sex. A whole phase is about

— [162:44.040 --> 162:52.120] sex. I don't go with that. So my question, you said no. So what is she gaining from just being overly sexualized? I'll tell you, I

— [162:52.120 --> 163:00.640] say that. And I don't say it to be experienced for me. Well, what is she gaining? I say to get out your system. To say that, because what you don't want is, I

— [163:00.640 --> 163:08.700] would rather someone have done it and realized, oh, okay, that's not for me. I got it out my system, whether it be we joke about freshman year college,

— [163:08.700 --> 163:16.860] shit like that. But what if I'm not a hoe? What if I'm a woman who's never, no, hold on, listen. What if because I've been single, because I have options, I have choices, I can

— [163:16.860 --> 163:24.940] be with rich men, broke men, ugly men, fat men, women to your point, right? But what if I'm the type of woman who I just don't have it

— [163:24.940 --> 163:33.920] in me, I'm not built to do the whole phase thing? What if that's just not me? And I'm a faithful woman. And I don't like casual sex. Can't you believe that you can't change?

— [163:34.080 --> 163:42.260] Maybe your whole phase just looks different. Like your whole phase could be not sleeping with 10 men or whatever, it could just be serial dating, maybe fucking

— [163:42.260 --> 163:50.440] giving more blowjobs than you did in a different month. You know what I mean? Like you don't necessarily be a complete slut to be the whole phase. I think that he's talking about it's not

— [163:50.440 --> 163:59.080] yeah specifically like you got a fuck 30 guys It's

— [163:59.080 --> 164:07.260] not the sex it's the experience yeah Okay, so what makes a ho ho I think I think every whole phase

— [164:07.260 --> 164:15.640] can look different for the woman depending on the person. Got it. So it could be sex, it could be dating, it could be using a guy, it could be going to dinner, it could be getting all your attention,

— [164:15.640 --> 164:24.280] it could be dressing sexy, it could be any of that stuff. Got it. Okay I just don't think that a person needs to go through a whole

— [164:24.280 --> 164:32.660] phase to know whether or not their character as a woman or even a man is that of

— [164:32.900 --> 164:41.040] being within integrity. I just feel like as a single woman, my integrity doesn't fluctuate. It's the same as it is if I'm with

— [164:41.040 --> 164:49.160] you. I say that because- How do you know your favorite food at the buffet? Well, because- If you don't eat the rest of the food. Yeah, but food and sexual partners

— [164:49.160 --> 164:57.520] are different. I hear what you're saying, but when I go to a buffet, I also don't eat everything. I kind of know what I want. But also, I

— [164:57.520 --> 165:05.800] don't want to have a buffet of men. When people say, oh, there's not a lot of men out there with no kids. Well, I'm not fucking looking for men. I'm looking for 1 man. So there's definitely

— [165:05.800 --> 165:13.900] 1 man in many places that don't have kids. I don't want a buffet. I like what's mine and I like it to be ours. I don't want nothing outside of that. But

— [165:13.900 --> 165:22.020] I've been like that since a young woman. So I didn't, like when I left my first fiance I remember thinking similar to what you're saying thinking

— [165:22.020 --> 165:30.580] to what you're saying I was like you know what maybe I just need to get out there and try something different and like you were saying the whole phase wasn't sex for me it was like maybe different

— [165:30.580 --> 165:38.700] manner date me And I remember trying to get out there, I went to Vegas when they had rehab. Remember when they had rehab back then? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Good time. I think it might still be

— [165:38.700 --> 165:46.980] there. Put on a cute little thong, bikini boy, let me tell you, they was going crazy over your girl. Hello. But I learned even just within the 1

— [165:46.980 --> 165:55.160] rehab, 4 hour. That wasn't for you. I was just like, you know what? I like to go out, I like to do certain things, but I don't like to entertain none of y'all.

— [165:55.340 --> 166:03.560] And I don't want to talk to none of y'all. I like to talk to 1 of y'all. And that's just how I'm built. In that moment, You know, I just learned, I guess your buffet analogy, that

— [166:04.240 --> 166:12.440] I'm not a buffet type of woman. You can't be a buffet type of guy with me and I'm not a buffet type of woman with you. Like I want what I want and if it's you, it's you. And that's it. I say that because we've

— [166:12.440 --> 166:20.860] seen quite a few examples of later on in life, the phase hits. That's

— [166:20.860 --> 166:29.060] why. So again, when I say it, I would rather you have realized, okay, like you did, it only took 1 rehab trip

— [166:29.060 --> 166:37.060] for you to say, hey, that ain't for me. Some people it takes a weekend, some people it takes a summer, some people it takes a semester. It takes a lifetime. Yeah, some people, but I just

— [166:37.060 --> 166:45.060] would rather someone have already done something in that room to say, all right, I'm good now. What if that's not your phase? That's what I was gonna say. What if you just repressed it for so long

— [166:45.060 --> 166:53.360] And you just actually just turned into the person you naturally was from the joke. So you can't ever know. So then it wouldn't be considered a phase. It would just be a thing that you experienced

— [166:53.460 --> 167:01.700] later down your line. And I love that you were saying like the phase looks different, right? Because for me, the phase

— [167:01.700 --> 167:11.100] for me was being in 1 relationship with 1 fiance, right? And having a certain sexual appetite

— [167:11.280 --> 167:19.340] with him, right? And liking and doing certain things. And then getting with the second fiance and being like, oh, all the shit

— [167:19.340 --> 167:27.800] I said I wouldn't do and didn't want to do. I'm loving all this shit. I love it here now. So for me, the phase was more a

— [167:27.840 --> 167:36.340] transformation or transition into more of a in tune with my sexuality as a woman and being very open about,

— [167:36.480 --> 167:44.540] first it was like, all right, this is good, I kinda like this, you know, there's a little bit of boundaries, maybe a little bit, to y'all have your way with me.

— [167:45.040 --> 167:53.140] And so that was just me becoming a woman and going through a phase of like learning and being comfortable with my sexuality with a particular

— [167:53.140 --> 168:01.160] person. I think it's the same concept. Similar, yeah. And I've learned though as I get older, you know, I do, I'm a lot more sexually

— [168:01.780 --> 168:09.850] wide open with my person. I kind of like, there's like no limits when I went from having certain limits to like, and that's why I

— [168:09.850 --> 168:18.020] like casual sex, I don't like limits. And I don't want to limit you, but I gotta limit you if I feel like we ain't locked in and I don't have access

— [168:18.020 --> 168:26.440] and I don't have transparency and this is just not safe for me, you're not getting wide open me. And I'm not trying to half ass give you me because I'm half ass having my

— [168:26.440 --> 168:34.500] experience sexually. No. Like I need all this shit wide open. I'm a grown ass woman. I don't need nothing in here half ass about because you're not gonna get no

— [168:34.500 --> 168:42.760] half ass from me. So that was more my phase of learning. As I get older, my libido is peaked, my sexual activity

— [168:42.840 --> 168:50.860] when I'm in the act is totally wide open and I love it there when I'm there because casually I don't

— [168:50.860 --> 168:59.020] I just don't have I just you know I don't and I'm not knocking where my camera. I'm not knocking anybody where my camera is for being in the casualty of sex I'm not

— [168:59.020 --> 169:07.120] knocking nobody What I'm saying is I can't even orgasm in that interaction for me. It just doesn't do it. You need more. They don't

— [169:07.120 --> 169:15.480] do it for you. And even after, when you get up to get the towel, the way you touching my hips or my body, all of that plays into my sexual experience.

— [169:15.900 --> 169:23.940] It's not just the stroke and the size. It's the eye contact. It's how you smell. It's how you grab me. How you switch me. How you toss me. How you flip me. What you said to

— [169:23.940 --> 169:32.400] me. How you hold me after. Are you turning me over and sliding in in the morning? Like what is that? All of that is an entire production for me. So if it's not all that,

— [169:32.560 --> 169:40.600] I may even be whack for you because I'm not gonna even be as engaged. You might be like, oh, she fine, she pretty, the body's T, but I can't activate for

— [169:40.600 --> 169:48.700] you. So you don't even want me casually. What you wearing a recovery of? Because when you describe other

— [169:48.700 --> 169:56.820] people dealing with their triggers and what's your recovery? What are you possibly, would it be you being a narcissist before, would it be

— [169:56.820 --> 170:05.020] you being selfish? What would you describe as your... I love that question, what have I had to recover from? I think is what we said way early on. Abandonment. It's

— [170:05.020 --> 170:13.320] the abandonment and me, my first nature, being able to get up and cut it and leave. So

— [170:13.320 --> 170:21.660] you know, I am recovered from it, but we never know how full we are recovered until we get into another situation or relationship.

— [170:22.340 --> 170:30.460] So in my experience of my dating ships, I have experienced me doing well and being recovered. Have I

— [170:30.460 --> 170:38.560] experienced that newness being completely in love? Not yet. And it's gonna be amazing to see it. But what I envision it looking

— [170:38.560 --> 170:46.900] like is me choosing a man, like I said earlier, that I can be, which I am, fully transparent with and put my vulnerability on the table and say, babe, I'm freaking the fuck out right now.

— [170:47.280 --> 170:55.440] Like, all of me wants to pack up all that shit in these little drawers you gave me and get about here. And so- Why is that an option for you all the time?

— [170:55.440 --> 171:03.780] Because you've mentioned that like 4 or 5 times. Like, yo, your thing when you- Well, It used to be an option. Like you said, yo, homeboy is just watching SportsCenter.

— [171:03.780 --> 171:12.460] You knew something was wrong. Yeah. But your immediate go-to was, I'm not leaving. Like, why couldn't it be, yo, is

— [171:12.460 --> 171:20.540] your family all right? Is your this okay? Is that okay? You went and sat on the couch and your immediate response to him was, yo, I'm not leaving. I don't see how

— [171:20.540 --> 171:28.600] we get there from me just being silent. No, this is so good because we give to others what we need. And what I need in moments of my adversity

— [171:28.900 --> 171:37.320] or in moments of my trauma or in moments when I'm in my low functioning, I need reassurance. I wanna know that you mad at me, but you not leaving me. And

— [171:37.320 --> 171:45.760] I believe that us as a black culture, we need a lot more reassurance and a lot more staying power than we like to say or we believe. We need to know, especially

— [171:45.860 --> 171:54.060] black men, y'all need to know that sis got an issue with you but she's not finna cut it, she's not stepping out, she's not gonna cheat, she's gonna rip you a new 1

— [171:54.060 --> 172:02.080] right here and it's gonna stay in house. None of this goes out house. So I gave the reassurance that I know that I need which is look, if you see me crying

— [172:02.080 --> 172:10.160] or having a bad day, I wanna know even if you can't fix it, that you're not gonna wait for it. And you solved it. You solved it. Yeah, you solved it.

— [172:10.160 --> 172:18.720] And I wanna, I know what abandonment feels like. And that was the only, you know, only heartbreak I've had was abandonment. Only. I'm

— [172:18.720 --> 172:26.940] just being real. Not even, I ain't been in no relationship where a dude broke my heart. I'm not saying he didn't do something that would have broke somebody else heart. It didn't break my heart No, not no not

— [172:26.940 --> 172:35.000] really So my only heartbreak was abandonment. So remember my comparison is the abandonment. So I'm not saying I ain't

— [172:35.000 --> 172:43.400] ever been hurt right are Dismantled but in comparison to my abandonment experience. No, I was right

— [172:43.480 --> 172:51.620] It was interesting. It's interesting that you and dr. Sarabal said that Yeah Yeah, I mean that so again, I've been

— [172:51.620 --> 172:59.680] hurt I'm not saying that I've never been in a place where I felt broken or hurt by a man, but have I been heartbroken to the depths

— [172:59.680 --> 173:07.780] of how I've experienced my abandonment? Not, it ain't touchy. It don't, it don't, it don't, yeah. It ain't touchy with a fuck of tinfoil. Absolutely not. That shit is something that

— [173:07.780 --> 173:16.460] I've had to work on my whole life, till this day. Being hurt by a man in high school because something happened or whatever experience

— [173:16.460 --> 173:24.660] we had, I'm not sitting here tripping off that now. Like, I would give that man a hug and pray for him to this day. That's a whole different experience. And so

— [173:24.720 --> 173:32.900] when I think of, if I neglect or abandon you, it may feel how I felt. I'm not trying to project that pain on anybody

— [173:32.900 --> 173:40.960] that I love and why would I if I know what that feels like? I'm not doing it. So I want to reassure you all the time It's me as much as I can, you know, and I want

— [173:40.960 --> 173:49.060] the same type of experience from you Like I'm not being with you For you to leave me I'm being with you and you with me so that we

— [173:49.060 --> 173:57.260] can figure out how to work this thing out and stay a partnership. Does that mean that you get triggered from the guy that during a disagreement just

— [173:57.260 --> 174:05.520] wants to go to his own space? Shut down. In his own space, like you talking about stonewalling cause that's a sign of abuse and disrespectful

— [174:05.600 --> 174:14.880] You're saying his own space like in the house Like maybe I gotta go to the room Wait stonewalling is a sign of abuse but not leaving in the Stonewalling

— [174:15.160 --> 174:23.580] is a sign of abuse. No stonewalling is abuse Okay, do you know what stonewalling is? Yeah, I'm gonna ask that. No, no, I'm asking you, please, define stonewalling

— [174:23.740 --> 174:31.960] so I'm clear. Stonewalling is a sign of manipulation. It's we having a conversation, all of a sudden I disagree or things don't go my way or I'm uncomfortable with the emotion

— [174:31.960 --> 174:40.080] I'm feeling in this conversation and I just hit it. I'm not talking or I don't hit it I just sit here and I'm not gonna talk to you

— [174:40.080 --> 174:48.540] you're like you want to discuss you want to be able to have effective communication and I'm sitting here stonewall I'm not responding I'm not talking I am quiet I'm ignoring

— [174:48.580 --> 174:56.680] you I'm not and we in this house for 4 days because I refuse to talk. Okay, 4 days is a long time. So let me say, hold on, hold on. The street term that y'all like to use is called

— [174:56.680 --> 175:04.760] stubborn. The clinical term is called stonewalling. So Someone who's stubborn for 4 or 5 days. What's the clinical term for leaving your man? So

— [175:04.760 --> 175:12.920] when I say leave, I'm not saying that all of a sudden you come home and I'm gone. I'm not talking about I ghost you. Leaving means we have a conversation. Like I didn't just

— [175:12.920 --> 175:20.980] up and leave my fiancee, like okay babe, I'm gone, good day. No, I'm meaning I'm not stonewall. We're having a conversation. We're talking through why I'm

— [175:20.980 --> 175:30.180] leaving. I've never just abandoned and left anybody. But the psychological process that you're having is you're leaving Because

— [175:30.180 --> 175:38.300] you don't want to take the chance of them leaving you first. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. So, though I love that you said that. That's not- That's what she said earlier. Yeah, he gets

— [175:38.300 --> 175:46.600] it. No, no, that's not, Cory gets it. That's not what I'm saying. He ain't the person to verify this shit. It don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter. Fuck what Cory talking about. It don't matter.

— [175:46.600 --> 175:54.660] Cory's doing active, Cory's doing- Cory's talking about it. Cory's right. Cory's doing active listening. No, I didn't say that.

— [175:55.360 --> 176:03.420] Oh shit. Watch your mouth, Doc. Oh, that was nasty. Stop. Here you go. Don't do that to

— [176:03.420 --> 176:11.500] my man. Now you're like, listen. Actively. I'm holding you down, nigga, I know. You had his back. You

— [176:11.500 --> 176:19.540] got kids, nigga. What I was saying was, I don't up and just leave, right? And say, listen, I'm gone

— [176:19.540 --> 176:27.700] because I'm scared you're gonna leave me. No, no, no, no. What I'm saying is, when I am inflamed, because I never experience I think you're going

— [176:27.700 --> 176:35.800] to leave me. That's not what I experience when I leave you. My thing is, if something happens that is deemable for me

— [176:35.800 --> 176:44.220] to leave this relationship, right, meaning there's cause for me to leave. It doesn't have to be cheating, it could be whatever. Our values don't work no more, who knows? Whatever

— [176:44.220 --> 176:52.260] happens, right? It is not hard for me to unplug and leave Okay, I'm not saying that I leave because I get in fear of you leaving

— [176:52.260 --> 177:00.360] me that that has never happened My point is that if there's a reason for me to leave even if it's a small reason that

— [177:00.360 --> 177:08.480] may be small to other people, right? It's not hard for me to pull out and leave. For a lot of people, the unplug is hard

— [177:08.480 --> 177:16.500] for them. For me, the unplug hasn't been hard for me. Because see, It's

— [177:16.500 --> 177:24.500] harder for me to plug into you than it is for me to ever have to plug out. If that makes sense.

— [177:24.640 --> 177:32.800] So I'm not a woman that goes in looking, I'm looking for sockets just to plug into. A lot of people are looking for sockets to plug into, and that's why they end

— [177:32.800 --> 177:40.800] up in the wrong fucking relationships. I'm not looking for a socket to plug into. We are gonna be in relationship. And as our relationship takes

— [177:40.800 --> 177:48.940] its natural maturation, I will end up plugged into you because organically we've created a safe space for each other, or I won't. If you do something,

— [177:48.940 --> 177:56.940] I don't know, let's just say you cross a boundary and you didn't cheat, but you do something disrespectful and wild, and we just know you're not gonna change, and it just don't work for me, and we've been trying to work it out, it's

— [177:56.940 --> 178:05.220] not gonna work. I'm not saying I don't feel it when I leave, but I'm going, no matter how deep it cuts me. That's

— [178:05.220 --> 178:14.060] what I mean by the ability to leave. A lot of people can't take the discomfort of the gut so they stay because they don't want to feel the

— [178:14.060 --> 178:22.320] dagger. I don't give a fuck about the dagger. I'm going hurt, broken, I'm going confused. If I know the best decision is to unplug, I'm unplugging.

— [178:22.380 --> 178:30.680] So I'm not saying that when I unplug, it's not for a good reason. What I work on is not having the ability to unplug so easy.

— [178:30.720 --> 178:38.760] Because it's not fair to you or me in a relationship. Like you should not feel like we can't work

— [178:38.760 --> 178:46.780] through everything once we get to the point of engaged or married. And so, you know, of course I have

— [178:46.780 --> 178:55.080] yet to be married, but my intention is to make sure that you know that I can get highly upset with you, but that does not mean that I'm leaving

— [178:55.080 --> 179:03.080] you. And that could be my own projection of what I need, but it's still something healthy that I'm giving you. I don't want to project pain on you, so I'd rather project

— [179:03.080 --> 179:11.260] on you the reassurance that I know I want in this relationship. All right, 2 questions. Because 1, I got to get back to the Stonewall and dig in a minute.

— [179:11.260 --> 179:19.280] I can't let that go. But to what you said, have you ever given 100% of yourself to someone? I love you in your Stonewall. Go ahead. Have you ever given 100% of yourself to someone? And

— [179:19.280 --> 179:27.760] I ask that because, I'ma tell you, I have to tell you why. I used to be, like how you say, I could walk away easily.

— [179:27.840 --> 179:35.920] No, no, we're not, come on man. I could walk away easily, but it was because I never fully gave 100% to the person. So because I didn't give

— [179:35.920 --> 179:43.940] 100%, I'm already... I already had an exit plan. I'm already... Not necessarily an exit plan, but more so... Down the line, this probably might

— [179:43.940 --> 179:52.200] not work anyway, so I'm mentally prepared for that, so I don't give them all. He's saying he was locked in but not plugged in. So that's why I'm asking. Because when you're not

— [179:52.580 --> 180:00.820] given 100%, it does make it easier to just walk away. So yes, I have given 100%. And you still walk away even at that?

— [180:00.920 --> 180:08.960] Yeah, so the walk away, let me be clear, the walk away isn't like I wake up 1 morning. No, no, no. Right, right, right. So, so like my first fiance, me

— [180:09.100 --> 180:17.260] leaving and there was no infidelity. Like people and families still say, well, if he, if he came back, you wouldn't consider like,

— [180:17.780 --> 180:26.100] you know, great dude. What I was explaining to you earlier, it took about almost 2 years of me communicating

— [180:26.100 --> 180:34.240] to him that this relationship had ran its course for us. He did not have the ability to let that

— [180:34.240 --> 180:42.540] be what it is. So I continue to communicate that. I didn't just wake up and say, bro, good day, pack up, I'm packing up. It was, this

— [180:42.540 --> 180:50.900] is not working. Did he try to course correct? We both tried to course correct. It just wasn't it. Sometimes things run they course.

— [180:51.600 --> 180:59.980] And we both were what each other needed in those 567 years of our relationship. But it took a couple years

— [181:00.520 --> 181:08.600] for him to finally say, you know what? Fuck it, I agree. Let's do it, let's do it. And I have to say,

— [181:09.180 --> 181:17.260] for me, that was an extremely hard breakup because I didn't have no ammunition. I didn't have, fuck this nigga. I didn't

— [181:17.260 --> 181:25.920] have that. I had to just say, it didn't work, so you gotta keep pushing. It didn't work, you got to just keep going. I had to go on dates and say, but

— [181:25.920 --> 181:33.980] you know, he's not a family man like him. He don't make sure you get home like him. He's not loving you like him. But remember Shy, him and you, it's not working.

— [181:34.040 --> 181:42.500] It's not gelling, it's just not gelling. And I hate that people make every breakup an infidelity thing or toxic no no did we have toxic moments I'm sure but

— [181:43.020 --> 181:51.020] we just gave everything we had to give and with the all of giving, it just wasn't working. And it's okay. And so

— [181:51.020 --> 181:59.240] I didn't have, it was hard because I didn't have the whole like, but he ain't good. It was like, but it's a good man. It just ain't my man.

— [181:59.240 --> 182:07.260] It's just not the person for you. And that's why it was so hard for him for those years. I got a rock on my finger. We've had an engagement party. We've had a bachelor, bachelorette party. We got saved the dates

— [182:07.260 --> 182:15.260] out. We got a wedding dress. Like, dude, like, you know what I mean? Like we got a venue paid for. Like I didn't call off an engagement. I called off a wedding.

— [182:15.800 --> 182:24.000] And so it was a lot that was at stake. How old were you? I was 30. I was 30 and I got engaged

— [182:24.000 --> 182:32.460] again at 33. Yeah, so I don't have ex-boyfriends. I have ex-fiancés. So again, me

— [182:32.460 --> 182:40.480] being single now for however long it's been, it's been some years, is by choice because I refuse to get

— [182:40.480 --> 182:48.500] engaged again and realize that this is something that's seasonal. So what I did was somebody asked

— [182:48.500 --> 182:56.540] a question about preparation. I just told God, well, I want my experiences still because I love my masculine energy. I love my men. I don't want to be without y'all.

— [182:56.540 --> 183:04.780] I want to be on dates and be loved on and love on you. But I don't want to make any permanent decisions. I want to make sure that I prepare and I want to make sure that my heart posture

— [183:06.180 --> 183:14.220] has the ability to choose someone who I know this is it because the next person I choose even if I run into

— [183:14.280 --> 183:22.340] it seems seasonal I'm not leaving. Does that make sense? Does that mean? Even if Even if I get to the point of I'm like, OK,

— [183:22.340 --> 183:30.400] look, we might have grew apart, we're just going to keep growing. I'm not leaving. I'm not going nowhere. We're going to figure this thing out. And let's rock and roll. Let's do this. You're just not about

— [183:30.400 --> 183:38.440] to settle just to be in a relationship just to say you in a relationship. No, because this is what's funny. A lot of people who can have relationships, you know,

— [183:38.440 --> 183:46.460] at the tip of their fingers, we don't settle. I'm just keeping 1. It's only folks who think they in a deficit or a drought who got to grab on, grab on to anything. First thing that come along. I don't have to

— [183:46.460 --> 183:54.520] do that. Like, I have a plethora of options. So I don't have to opt out quick because society says it or because someone feels I should

— [183:54.520 --> 184:03.340] be married or because they say you're beautiful, successful, and you're of this age. Well, guess what? I'm also happy as fuck. How many options did you count out where

— [184:03.340 --> 184:11.500] they at Invest Fest? Did you see options out there? Niggas was hollering. It was on her body. It was on her body, boy.

— [184:12.860 --> 184:21.160] I saw them. I was right there. Okay, next question. And she wasn't this. She was mad, nice and cool, and

— [184:21.160 --> 184:29.280] friendly. I see, we see how she got them. She got them. Yeah, I've learned exactly what I was trying to learn about Dr. Cheyenne.

— [184:29.340 --> 184:37.360] But I have. What did you learn, Joe? You A-OK in my book. Yeah. You are good in my book, man. You are. You are.

— [184:37.540 --> 184:45.560] You unapologetically yourself. You got some unique views. You doing you. You niggas can't slow me. Can't nobody. Yeah,

— [184:45.560 --> 184:53.660] y'all not slowing this motion down. Lot of motion. I can't wait to see you when you find this person though. That's what I wanna see. When you find the person that you

— [184:53.660 --> 185:01.760] are fully locked in. You wanna see who he is? I wanna see. Not like, you know, not saying like athlete or not, but it's who he is as a man, his character, you're trying to,

— [185:01.760 --> 185:10.040] you're seeing like how I show up. No, no, whatever, I want to see how you show up when you find this person. Cause- It ain't really about him, I just want to see when you find that person

— [185:10.040 --> 185:18.040] that I'm locked in like that with, like you speak to. Yeah. We want to see how you, how you moved there. How I show up, yeah, and I can't wait to, I can't wait

— [185:18.040 --> 185:26.040] to speak the same way that I speak, and I can't wait to show other single women that when a woman is really secure

— [185:26.040 --> 185:34.160] with herself and she's really married because she is choosing to be with this man, not because she's using the ring or the title to

— [185:34.160 --> 185:42.200] weaponize against other single women, then it shows up different. I can't wait to have my rock again and be a married woman and

— [185:42.200 --> 185:50.600] still talk to single women the same way I do with the same respect and honor and admiration of them because there's nothing wrong with being single.

— [185:51.020 --> 185:59.540] There's nothing devaluing about being single as a man or a woman. I have a big issue with folks who are using their horrible, unsuccessful, miserable

— [185:59.980 --> 186:08.060] marriage, mask and ring and title as a way to demonize or weaponize people who are not there yet. And I feel like it's too much of that going on. It's a lot of

— [186:08.060 --> 186:16.080] that going on. It's a lot of that going on. Yeah, there's a lot of that going on. It's more of that going on, but this is the same woman and man again who was sleeping with the other married

— [186:16.080 --> 186:24.440] woman and man, and you think nobody knows your pillow talk, but I do, because when I walk by, it says why is he lusting over me so bad, but that's the man you saying my man, my man,

— [186:24.480 --> 186:32.500] my man, because you're trying to use that ring to weaponize, but you going home and you really the only 1 that's being weaponized by this relationship. That's the problem. So I can't wait to-

— [186:32.500 --> 186:40.680] Full of lust. Spot the lust on you niggas' faces. That lust. Mm-hmm. So I can't wait to stand on that mountaintop because I want to make sure that, I

— [186:40.680 --> 186:48.680] mean, I'm not going to be anything better because I'm married. Right. I don't become better. I just become a wife, which is a title, and I

— [186:48.680 --> 186:56.680] may become different in the way I show up where I'm not showing up single, but I'm not a better woman married than any other single woman that's out there. That's just

— [186:56.680 --> 187:04.720] not, or a man. A man is not a better man because he's married than a man who's single. That single man could be a better man. He just hasn't found his better

— [187:04.720 --> 187:12.760] half. And a lot of times it's like that. A lot of the good men are either married or they have the

— [187:12.760 --> 187:20.880] wisdom and the insight to take their time because they're also not just choosing the low hanging fruit. They waiting for what's theirs.

— [187:20.900 --> 187:30.040] And I respect a man or a woman who can do that because that just shows maturity and discipline. And when you do get married, you taking that discipline into that relationship and that's sexy. Don,

— [187:30.040 --> 187:38.620] give me 1 way before I let you go, Give me 1 word to describe what you think your summer's about to look like. My summer? Yeah. Hot. She

— [187:38.620 --> 187:46.860] know that. She know, look. Hot, they love her. I'm gonna be living my promise. There you go. There you go, so go there

— [187:46.860 --> 187:54.940] you go. Living my promise, y'all. Y'all, my book is out. Go get it. It's a print and audio book. My first book, Methodity Talks, is a bestseller because y'all

— [187:54.940 --> 188:03.060] made it a bestseller. Goddamn right. Okay? So go get this book. May 12th it drops. You can preorder it now on all platforms where books are sold. So get

— [188:03.060 --> 188:11.100] your Live Your Promise book so you can learn how to live your promise. I talk about how I went from the hood to the heels. I talk about stuff that I haven't talked about on the pods about just me being

— [188:11.100 --> 188:20.100] a celebrity life coach and all kinds of stuff. So get the book. But my summer, if I wanna manifest, it looks like me locking in with

— [188:20.280 --> 188:29.025] my soon to be fiance or husband. Praying together. And no longer, we're going to pray together. I'm

— [188:29.025 --> 188:37.340] going to make sure he prays before he gets the putty. Yes. Good. Yes. But yeah, I mean, I just looks like traveling, expanding my brand.

— [188:37.340 --> 188:45.360] I'm still on a speaking tour. My book, Becoming New York's Best Time Seller. My talk show, Finding a Home, at 1 of these networks that I want to

— [188:45.360 --> 188:54.820] work with and partner with. And then who knows, maybe that guy might get chosen back. There

— [188:54.820 --> 189:03.040] you go. Yeah, so Joe thinks that I don't want it to happen anytime soon. I do, but I am very happy and very comfortable.

— [189:03.360 --> 189:11.380] And I think that people are not used to interdependent people. They're used to folks, especially folks that look

— [189:11.380 --> 189:19.680] like us, being so codependent and so desperate that we just got to bite and cling to anything that comes. No, there's some of us

— [189:19.840 --> 189:28.300] who are really solid within themselves and really happy and really good and willing and waiting to bring that to somebody, but

— [189:28.460 --> 189:36.560] somebody else is not gonna make me happier than I am. They're just gonna add to what I have and the hopes is that they you know don't take

— [189:36.560 --> 189:44.680] from me. Let my last my final question for you. What would you say to the viewers out there watching

— [189:44.760 --> 189:55.300] that don't necessarily believe in therapy. Where's my camera? This 1? The red light. The red? Oh, listen. No

— [189:55.300 --> 190:03.520] one's exempt from life-lifing. We all have trauma, we all have adversity, And therapy is something that not only shifts your life,

— [190:03.520 --> 190:11.600] but it literally changes your life. Not by changing you, but by helping you manage things that don't work for you. Therapy is

— [190:11.600 --> 190:20.060] everything strong. There's nothing weak about going to therapy. There's nothing weak about seeking help. Even if you can't get to a therapist, if you can get to a wise counsel neighbor,

— [190:20.180 --> 190:29.260] a pastor, a friend, I think that asking for help is something that we have to start making a norm. And also, if

— [190:29.260 --> 190:37.520] you are in therapy, don't be there to just obtain the knowledge because knowledge is not power. The implementation of what you learn is where the power comes

— [190:37.520 --> 190:45.640] from and we have to start to be a active and proactive community, and I'm not just saying black folks, all folks, so that you can see

— [190:45.640 --> 190:53.740] the shift because the work does work. But if you're not doing the work, then all you're doing is showing up and wasting your money and wasting your time. So I just

— [190:53.740 --> 191:01.860] want to just put out that I offer that even from this pod or any of the videos you watch of mine or books that you purchase of mine that you are not just being a listening

— [191:01.860 --> 191:10.540] ear, but you are understanding that faith is an action word and that to show up in a way that you are faithful and hopeful in yourself is to have extreme action. And

— [191:10.780 --> 191:18.900] action is the only thing that does 2 things. It alleviates anxiety and it prevents depression. So make therapy a lifestyle,

— [191:18.900 --> 191:26.960] don't make it an intervention so that it can prevent anything that you see or deem that can be something that takes your entire life away from you and doesn't add life

— [191:26.960 --> 191:36.460] to you. Yeah. And it's something you can partake in when everything's going good. It doesn't just have to be a 911 or break

— [191:36.460 --> 191:45.360] the emergency fire extinguisher glass. Sometimes people do need somebody that they can celebrate,

— [191:45.360 --> 191:54.100] y'all say it for me. Celebrate. No. Not celebrate. They could be celebratory. Oh. Y'all didn't have my bag celebratory? Sorry.

— [191:54.100 --> 192:02.260] That you can celebrate, you could be celebratory with because you know you got some folks who have you know imposter syndrome where they can't just brag and talk about the big shit they're doing to their

— [192:02.260 --> 192:10.420] friends or their loved ones because people don't understand it. You know what I'm saying? They can't celebrate it with you to your magnitude. And I have a lot of clients that come in session and they're like,

— [192:10.420 --> 192:18.420] Doc, this happened and that happened and my week went amazing. I got a book deal. I got this new show. I'm doing this. And I'm like, yo, that's amazing. They can't tell us all. And they can't tell anyone.

— [192:18.420 --> 192:26.640] But in session with me, I can celebrate them. I can empower them. And they didn't need to come in in Traumatum. They need to come in and have someone that will celebrate

— [192:26.680 --> 192:34.900] with them and not be jaded and not have to understand. But just say, yo, I'm proud of you. Go get that shit and keep doing it. A lot of my sessions are like this.

— [192:34.900 --> 192:43.360] I love that you said that, because people think therapy is just about having issues or the stigma being crazy. When I don't know anyone, including myself,

— [192:43.440 --> 192:51.600] that ain't crazy to some level. So we gotta be okay with whatever crazy we have. It's about understanding your crazy so you can make sure your crazy works for you and not

— [192:51.600 --> 193:00.180] against you. That's it. That's it. Because I don't want to not be crazy. Same, I say it all the time. I like my crazy. Yes. I

— [193:00.180 --> 193:08.180] love my crazy. I worked hard on this crazy. Yeah, I'm not shutting my shit. At all, I'd be so bored with myself if I didn't have my crazy, or my little bit of toxic that

— [193:08.180 --> 193:16.220] I got. Are you gonna come back and visit us? I'm definitely coming back. Our doors are always open to you. You are now officially A friend

— [193:16.220 --> 193:24.520] of the show. I'm gonna have to come on 1 of the shows and just be an opinionist and have another guest here. Oh, love that. And let me shoot my shit. Oh, that would be great. Oh, for sure.

— [193:24.520 --> 193:32.820] Just come on and join the crew. That would be absolutely great. And anytime you need any of us for any of your content, please, we're a call away.

— [193:33.120 --> 193:42.180] Ladies and gentlemen, please, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant. An

— [193:42.540 --> 193:43.780] absolute angel.

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